Wanted- Dara Mclean

Lisa, Dara Mclean, and Ty in Vegas at WinterJam 2014

This song speaks to me.I could listen to it over and over again. You can hear it here: http://www.onlylyrics.com/dara-maclean-lyrics-1114760.php

 From when I was little I was told that I was NOT wanted by certain people, that in our culture a girl as a first born wasn't acceptable. I have been through a lot in my life because of those feelings. A few weeks ago we were in Vegas the same time that WinterJam 2013 was going on. We stood in line for a few hours to get our GA seats and Dara Mclean stopped right by where we were standing and sang this song for us. Goosebumps and tears, let me tell you!  After she was done singing my daughter and I went over to meet her. What an awesome experience. I hope this song touches you as much as it does me. God bless!

From the day you were born 
And took your first breath 
You opened your eyes and in came the light 
He was watching you 
But all of your life you couldn't shake the lies in your head 
Saying you're a mistake 
Oh but you were made 
By a God who knows your name 
He doesn't make mistakes 

CHORUS 
You are wanted 
To every broken heart, He stands with open arms 
You are wanted 
To every searching soul, look to the rising sun 
If you're lonely, hurting, gone too far 
To the outcast you come as you are 
For you, you are wanted, you, you are wanted 
You, you are wanted, you, you are wanted 

Let this be the day that joy takes the place 
Of all of the years that shame tried to steal away 
He is calling you 
Lift your eyes to see His face 
Come run into the arms of grace 

CHORUS 

You, you have been marked 
You're set apart 
And He calls you His 
So you don't have to search 
Don't have to look for where you belong 

You are wanted 

CHORUS

Friday Confessional 11/01/13

I Confess: It's been months since I've had my last confession. I Confess: A lot has taken place in that time... a short term missions trip to the DR with my family, a new job, my 5 year anniversary, and contact with my "real" dad. I Confess: I am going to attempt to do better at confessing. I Confess: I am going to Vegas next week. I am so stinking excited! I Confess: I am scared to have teenage kids... we had another teenage death in our community, a suicide. Blows my mind that these kids are taking permanent measures to temporary problems. I pray that with the wisdom I've instilled in my kids and Jesus in their heart, we'll never have to go through that personally, but you never know and it's scary. My heart breaks for the parents and siblings and my prayers go out to them and our community for the loss of a child.

Father vs Dad

Back in July, before we went to the DR on our short term missions trip; I got a Facebook friend request from someone with a familiar last name, but I didn't know who it was as the profile picture was of a dog. This last name is my maiden name… a name I haven’t associated with for a long time. A name that broke my heart over and over again in the past twenty years; however I was curious. I wanted to see who it was, what they wanted, and why they were friending me.

I accepted the friend request with the idea that I could unfriend them as easily as I friended them. I was poking around and figured out my father had remarried and this was his current (4^th?!) wife. They currently live in NV and have been married for almost 8 years. Considering that I haven’t talked to him in 11, this was news to me.

She private messaged me… told me about herself, her life, my father, etc. Told me how he’s changed, he’s repented and now follows Christ. She “liked” just about every picture I posted. Seemed like a nice lady, but I was still on edge, which I felt like I had a right to be.

Fast forward until last week…  I got a friend request from a very familiar name, my father. I sat on it for a few days without replying. I wasn't sure that I wanted to open that can of worms. As I've mentioned, my past has a lot of heart ache that was caused by him. I've come along way with the help of Jesus in terms of forgiving; however I don’t feel that I could forget. I've freed myself in forgiveness, but I am not going to stupidly put myself into that situation again to relive it. So a few days went on… and he private messages me. I replied back with a nice, but blunt email. I laid it all out on the line, what did I have to lose? I didn't sugarcoat anything about how I felt; however told him I would be willing  to try to have a relationship with him, to be his friend.

Within a few hours I got a reply and he went off the handle. Basically telling me to take a hike and I could take baby-steps to his grave. Exact same behavior from the last time I talked to him… or rather, he talked to my answering machine… screaming at me, calling me names, and saying he was moving out of state.

Why would I subject myself to that? Why would I allow him to come into my live and get to know my kids when things really haven’t changed and subject them to that? He questioned my Christianity, which really pissed me off. Don’t throw bible verses at me about forgiveness when you act this way when things don’t go your way. I thought allowing him to be my friend was a good step b/c he can’t just jump back in my life and be my dad. It doesn't work that way. You've got to earn trust.

It’s been a rough road… I've felt abandoned, neglected, hurt. I think I hide it well most of the time, but looking back I see that some of my past with men I've acted poorly b/c of that. The one thing I am thankful for is my step-dad who stepped up when my daughter was born and has really filled the shoes of a father figure and grandpa. I can’t imagine my life without him in it, although it’s taken a lot to get us where we are today. Now he is one of my best friends… a father to my husband as well. He has taken such good care of my mom with everything she’s gone through. He is what a dad is supposed to be.

So for now… I unfriended them both. I don’t want to deal with that drama. I know I am good person; I love Jesus, and I know that none of this is my fault. We’ll see how the future plays out, but for now I am good with where I am in my life. I am loved by God, the ultimate father/dad, and that's all that really matters anyway. 

"God, can you just show me a sign?!"

Things in my life have been changing... lots of changes as work. Not bad changes, things that are good for our company but it's really put into perspective what I want to do when grow up and I think I want to learn more than I currently know :)

I want to help people... I want to interact with employees... I don't think I want to manage people right now... I want to find people jobs... I want to help with employee relations. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how that fits into my current career and if it couldn't what my next steps were.

Well, last week a company that I had applied for months ago reached out to me to say they have a Sr. HR Generalist position. Part of the job is recruiting... the other part is employee relations. Uh, ok. Odd since that is what I wanted to do... but ok. Let's learn more about this.

I went in to talk to their VP and spent hours there... he said that if he can make the money work out, he'd love to have me join their team. He told me he'd call me back by Friday with a decision. He ended up calling me the very next day, but I missed the call and when I was calling him back I prayed and said, "God, can you show me a sign? Am I supposed to be leaving my job of 7 years and risking everything to make this move?".  Then a song came on the radio (KLove, of course!) that had the name of the company in it. Wow! Blew me away... Ok, God. I'm listening!

I end up getting the offer... accepted it verbally... wanted to give my notice the following day but couldn't meet up with my manager. The weekend passes and I give notice Monday morning. On Tuesday I have a meeting with the VP of HR at my current job and she offers me a very similar position to stay here. Hmmm...

Again, what am I supposed to do? I am texting my husband and mom to talk through it. I go to KLove.com to stream some music as I eat lunch at my desk and again that song comes on. Alright, God... I hear ya! Never in my life have I felt an answer so clearly. I am trusting in His plan!

So this Friday I am saying goodbye to my employer, colleagues, and friends of the last 7 years. I am taking a big leap of faith. I am excited. I am terrified. I am feeling bittersweet. I pray that this is God's Will and me and my family will be taken care of. Here we go... on to the new chapter of my life!

Friday Confessions

  I Confess: It's been a minute since I've been here to confess.   I Confess: I don't have a very good reason for slacking.   I Confess: I ended up having shoulder surgery a month ago. I guess that could contribute to my slacking. Thought I was getting my bicept tendon reattached but it was already attached. I ended up having to get my shoulder bone shaved down, bone spurs removed, and a tear in my rotator cuff fixed. Luckily for me, it all went well... and I am already done with Physical Therapy and only have a little achiness.   I Confess: I am super excited for our trip to IL/IN/MI in a month for my Kindergarden BFF's wedding. Going to a Cubs game to round off the fun weekend.   I Confess: My family (Mister Husband, all three kids, and my parents) are going on a mission trip with my church to the Dominican Republic. We are going to spend one day at the Learning Center we were at in November and the rest of the time a AIDS orphanages. I am so excited for the opportunity to serve with my family.   I Confess: My amazing husband got me a 3 hour spa package for Mother's Day. I am going next Saturday... massage, facial, pedicure, etc. I can't wait! Then we are going away to spend the night at a King Arthur themed room in Logan. Yay, Happy Mother's Day to me!   I Confess: Tomorrow we celebrate my mom being 5 years since her last breast cancer diagnosis. We are having a Pink Party in her honor. I am so thankful that God chose to heal her body. She is an AMAZING woman and is the rock of our family. I love ya mama!

Proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

This bible verse has been going through my head for a couple of reasons. The first is because of my own children. My 13 year old daughter is on staff at our church in the nursery/preschool and she has been for a couple years now. Currently, she is in a discipleship program and leading worship in the Youth Group. My 10 year old son is very active in Royal Rangers and is the highest ranking boy in our whole church. They both will pray with anyone, anywhere, and anytime. They love to serve their community and have a heart for missions work. I couldn't be prouder. I am so blessed.

The other reason this verse is on my heart is because of another family that I know... one who doesn't have a strong belief system. One who throws around the name "Jesus Christ" as its a swear word... who says they'll pray for people because they don't know what else to say. One who goes to church to show off, rather than to really worship. In turn, this family is going through alot of struggles... financial, health, and most recently with a straying child.

Honestly, it hurts my heart... which in turn makes me think of what it's doing to God. He wants a relationship with us. He wants to love us and have us love Him in return. He sent His son to die for our sins, to give us a chance at salvation. Why wouldn't we want that?

I know its not my place to judge but that's where that verse comes into play... if their children knew God at a younger age, would they have lost this child to drugs and girls? I don't know... I just hope that with my own children the values they have instilled in them now will help deter them from those things in the future.

All I can do is pray for them... really pray for them, not just say it because I don't know what else to say.

The Elephant in the Room: Lust

Yesterday at church, our Pastor spoke about the elephant in the room. You know, that really big problem that's sitting in front of us and no one wants to talk about? Yeah, him. As part of this series, yesterday's elephant was Lust.

As I was preparing myself all week to sit through service yesterday... a lot of things came to my mind. A lot of situations from my past that either involved me or people around me. Issues with work romances. Issues with pornography addictions. Flirting that seemed harmless. Full on adulterous sexual encounters.

I thought about all the people involved in all of those scenarios... wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, kids. The sin of lust isn't just with you... it involves so many people around you. That's when I realized what a broken world we live in.

As our Pastor was talking, I was drawn in to his every word. I think I took about 6 pages of notes b/c I didnt want to miss a thing. I've been hurt in the past due to results of lust. I want to safe guard my marriage from this point forward to ensure our marriage is the way God intended, between me and my husband only.

A couple of the things that stood out to me specifically:

• If you have a problem with pornography, do something drastic. Turn off your internet in your house. Hand in your smartphone. Get rid of the temptations.
• If a wife doesn't feel good about a friendship the husband has with someone of the opposite sex, there is a reason for it. Wives are very good judges of character and their guts talk to them. Husbands, if your wife says anything about that girl you work with;  RUN!
• Communication. You have to be able to communicate with your spouse. No matter how hard or awkward it is, you have to talk about it openly. Keeping anything from your spouse will always come back to get you.
• Have an accountability partner. If you struggle with this sin, you cant do it on your own. You need someone to encourage you, to talk to you, to pray with you. Seek a Godly man or woman from your church. Suck it up, you are not the only person who struggles with this... remember that elephant? Everyone knows its there so get past your ego and get some help.

As a lot of these things hit home for me... When I feel lost or that things are beyond repair, my God tells me to wait... that He's got a plan for me and things will get better. I thank God for the work he has done in my marriage. I pray for all of those wives who are currently dealing with this mess. I pray that they are wise enough to know what's going on. That they have someone to confide in and seek help with... That they feel God's love in the midst of conflict with their spouse.

As my Pastor said, when these men are sitting in a dark room in their house, on their computer, looking at naked women... do you realize that those ladies are daughters of the Great I Am? I bet if they remembered that instead of looking at them as an object of lust, there would be a lot less of this going on.

My biggest prayer is for these husbands. That they realize the damage they do with this sin. The heartache they cause. The grief they put the one they love through. All aspects of lust are damaging and heartbreaking... no matter how small. I pray that every man has the respect to start looking at women differently today...starting at the way they should be looking at their wives; you know, the only person they should have eyes for in the first place.

Amen.