More Boob Talk

I have been talking a lot about my mom and her battle with breast cancer. A lot of what she has gone through has persuaded others to get mammograms or MRIs or at least do monthly self-breast exams. I am one of those as well… when she was first diagnosed; I called my doctor begging for a mammogram. She told me I was too young, so I called another doctor. She got me in but it was a fight with the hospital and the insurance, they kept saying I was too young. Mind you; when I was 18, I had 3 benign lumps removed.

So I got in for my mammogram, finally, b/c my mom’s cancer was only detected by a mammogram. She never felt anything so my doctor had to write the insurance a letter saying that’s how my mom’s cancer was detected and then they let me go.

A few days later they called and said, “You have very dense breasts. We need to do further testing”. I guess on a mammogram, anything that shows up as white is bad. Well, my whole picture was white b/c I had young breasts. I understand why they now didn’t want to have me get them squashed b/c they couldn’t see anything. As you get older they lose their density and you are able to see more. So they sent me off for an Ultrasound.

They had me lay on a table in a dark room, gown open to the front and U/S’ed each breast. I know from having children that dark blobs on the screen mean something is there. So from that expertise, I knew I should be concerned as I saw about 14 spots between the 2 sides. The specialist came in and redid the U/S and said there are some areas of concern. I asked if we needed a biopsy or to remove them, but she said if we did I would look like Swiss cheese. She wanted me to come back in 6 months.

So I did. I went in every 6 months for 18 months… nothing really changed. The size stayed the same, the shape stayed the same… so after a while I was told to get a mammogram when I am 35 and not worry about it unless I am able to feel anything new.

About a year has passed since that last appointment and as you know, Mom’s breast cancer came back. This time it was detected by a new MRI procedure. A procedure she was getting done for the experience of it, not because anyone thought she needed it but I believe it was that procedure that saved her life. She wouldn’t have known her cancer was back otherwise. She couldn’t feel anything, the lump was against her chest cavity and the cancer had spread into her lymph nodes.

So as you can imagine, I called my doctor again saying I needed that procedure done. She agreed whole-heartedly and made me the appointment for a week later.

As much as I wanted to get it done, I dreaded the appointment b/c I am claustrophobic. The thought of going in a tube is enough to get my heart racing, so I brought Bryan and 3 Valium with me. In the end, it wasn’t a terrible procedure… you lay face down with your boobs hanging through 2 holes in the table. It takes about 30 minutes and thanks to the meds I slept through most of it.

About a week later my doctor called me. My DOCTOR, not the nurse, the office manager, the lady who draws your blood in the lab, my DOCTOR. As you probably know, doctors normally don’t do their own calling so I was a little taken back. I was doing this MRI for peace of mind, not because I thought anything could be wrong so why the hell was the DOCTOR calling me?

She read through the report to me… still saw about 14 lumps, same places as what were seen on the U/S’s. However there are new areas of concern. If I remember correctly, a 6mm spot on one side, a 7mm spot on the other, and scattered something-or-other throughout the right under the nipple. Fucking lovely.

She said we have some choices. My options have been we can do nothing and wait a year and re-MRI. That way we have something to measure against. (You can’t use U/S measurements and compare them to MRI measurements). Regardless of what we chose to do, she wanted my mom to get tested for the BRCA mutation gene (which she went in and did the very next day). Once we get the results of her testing, and if it’s positive then I go and do a prophylactic mastectomy and reconstructive surgery without a 2nd thought. If she is positive, it would raise my risk factors (and not just her having the gene) up to about 90% chance of me getting breast cancer by the time I am 70. If she tested negative for the gene, it goes down to about 50-60% due to my own history along with family history. I asked her what she would do if it were her. I was told “I would get the surgery”. This is my doctor who uses surgery as a last option so I knew this was something for me to think about.

I have spent the last couple of months thinking about it. Discussing it with Bryan and my mom. Doing a lot of research online. Going to a lot of doctor appointments and I had my U/S redone to compare it to May 07. At my last appointment, I was told that I am a time bomb and it’s a matter of when I get it and not if I get it.

Deep in my heart, I feel that the surgery is going to be the right thing for me. I don’t want to carry on with me thinking about it and worrying the rest of my life. I have battled depression before and its something I won and I know that if I had this constant worry, it would send me down that road again. I am starting a new life soon… adding to my family…and I want a happy start. I don’t want to have my focus be on anything other than that. Bryan has been unbelievably supportive. He says his gut is telling him to do the same as what I am thinking and that he will be there with me, will take care of the kids, and do whatever is needed to get this taken care of.

The only downfall is since my mom did test negative for BRCA, the insurance may not pay for the surgery. I am going down to Salt Lake in a few weeks to meet with a breast specialist to discuss options. She may have a different take on it that I need to think about. She may have other options. I am going to go in with an open mind and listen to what she feels would be best but at least I feel prepared to make the decision to do the mastectomy if that’s what we decide.

I know everyone isn’t going to agree with my thinking… I have had people challenge it already. I am not a gambler, I understand the risks and the benefits… but to be told you have over a 50% chance of getting breast cancer in your life and you can reduce those odds to fewer than 10% by getting it done, to me it sounds like a no brainer. Once you get cancer, your control is taken from you. You don’t get to make the decisions anymore b/c there is something in your body that is taken over. I don’t want to go through the treatments that my mom has gone through. I want to have the choices and the options before it would get to that point. It’s not something I would need to do right away. It’s something that we can continue to think about and research, but it’s something that I want to keep as a choice.

I’m going to the specialist in a few weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes…