Genuinely happy

I never thought about what it’s like to be genuinely happy. I know what its like to be sad, angry, frustrated, used, and depressed but I never have taken the time to think about my happiness.

I am one of those people who focuses on everyone else’s happiness. What can I do to make her happy, what would cheer up his day? There was also a time when I went to the extreme opposite for a while. I didn’t care if people were happy, I was looking out only for me because no one else seemed to care if I was happy, so why worry about them? But times have changed…

Just this morning I just woke up with a smile on my face and its not there for any certain reason. I have fantastic kids. Ty is such the little helper, when her alarm goes off she gets dressed and wakes up her brother and then pushes the ON button on the coffee pot for me. Drew is such a lovey kid; he is all about giving me hugs. But those things aren’t new… they have always been great kids.

I think the place I am at in my life is thanks to Bryan. Having him spend time playing toys with Drew so me and Ty can have some time together… having him interact with my family at my dad’s birthday party… and having him be there for Ty who is going through so many struggles when it comes to her dad right now. Those things are so important to me and to have someone to share that with now is an awesome feeling. I love to hug Bryan for no reason, to just hold his hand as we lie in bed and watch TV, just to know he is there.

I truly believe that God brought Bryan into my life when I was finally ready to have a relationship again. I was so heartbroken over things of my past; I did some dumb things just to prove I could, and I ended up pretty jaded. But time moved on and things got easier. I got used to being by myself (with the kids) and grew a strength I didn’t realize I had. I became an independent woman who was able to live on her own and support her children. There is no better feeling than that… although at the time I didn’t realize that something was missing. I gave so much to my prior relationships with nothing in return. I didn’t know what it was like to be in a healthy happy relationship. I needed that time to myself. I believe I am a better friend, daughter, mother, just an all around better person for to it.

So when I met Bryan and he tried to do things for me, it was so foreign. Little things even, opening doors and going out for ice cream. There was even a time I tried to push him away b/c it felt too good to be true… and he pushed back. No one has ever pushed back… people have walked away in the past.

Here we are today. We’ve been married for a couple of weeks now and are adjusting to our new lives together. I couldn’t be happier. I am so in love with this man, he is someone I trust, someone I can tell anything to, someone who loves me and my kids. I thank God every day for bringing him into our lives.