Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Suicide Threat: Not Something To Be "Just Kidding" About.

Last night, after we had all gone to bed, my daughter came rushing into our room. She had her phone in hand and said "Mom, what do I do?" I grabbed her phone to see what she was talking about and it was a message through a social media app saying along the lines of "I've had enough, I don't want to live anymore."

It was a girl from school... a year younger, that Ty doesn't really know that well. I told her to keep talking to her to see what was going on. She said she had been for a while and that the girl said something about cutting herself and posted a picture of a knife next to her.

I asked for the girl's name to look her up on Facebook to see if she has her parents listed. Luckily the first picture I found was of the girl and her dad so I sent him a Private Message that said, " Hello XXXX. My daughter is friends with your daughter, XXXX, and she is posting things on SnapChat saying she wants to end her life. I am hoping that it's not a real threat, but I am not taking a chance and wanted to let you know. Please let me know that you got this message and everything is ok, otherwise I am going to call the police."

I was poking around a bit more on FB waiting on a response and I noticed the dad had a friend in common with our family friend... so I text that girl to see if she has a phone number for them. She said she didn't and by that time the suicidal girl said "That's it, I'm done talking" and quit responding to Ty so I called 911.

When the operator answered and said "What's the address of your emergency?", I started to panic. I've always had 911 anxiety ever since I was little, but I was trying to stay calm for my daughter. I explained that a girl from the local Jr. High is SnapChatting my daughter and making threats to kill herself. I gave as much information as we knew and then our family friend must have said something to her mom b/c then that mom text me and said to try sending a message to the girl's mom instead, so I found her on FB and copied the message to her and she saw it instantly, although didn't reply.

The operator told us that she would send the Sheriff's deputies to the house to check on her and our call ended as the girl's mom replied back to me. She said her daughter is sitting next to her and everything is fine. She said she was just kidding around online.

I told her that regardless if it was a joke or not, we took it seriously and called for help. She told me that the daughter was mad at her for getting in trouble and she welcomed the police to scare her for doing that. She thanked us for caring... then a little while later asked if the cops were still coming because they weren't there yet. I told her as far as I knew, I hadn't talked to them again.

I ended up going to bed... and when I woke up this morning and had a few more messages from the mom. She told me the police came and talked to her... that she admitted to being lonely because her older siblings have moved out of the house and she said what she did. She also told me that the delay on the police was because a 17 year old in the area tried to hang himself and was in serious condition.

My heart broke even more. I don't understand this. This is the 3rd time in year that my daughter has dealt with friends making threats on social media. Three times she's been put in a horrible position to decide what to do. My heart is so heavy for her friends who didn't seek help and ended their lives. What is going on in the world today? Why are these kids feeling like they have no other choice? My heart hurts for this broken world we live in. How often do parents talk to their kids about this? What choices are parents giving their kids? At the time, I didn't know if this girl was serious or not, so I treated it as if she was. I would rather call for help when it be nothing, than to find out later on she was serious and live with that guilt. I pray that if my children were in that situation, that another mom would contact me to let me know.

I am constantly having conversations with my children to know that there is nothing they can do that will change our love for them... nothing they can do that we can't deal with... that suicide is never an option. I just pray this is instilled in their brains. I cannot imagine ever getting that phone call.

This is a good reminder for today... If you need help call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don't suffer in silence, someone will miss you greatly when your gone.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The 2nd Pathology Report is Back...

"There is no morphologic evidence for Hodgkin lymphoma, non-Hodgkin lymphoma or metastatic malignancy"

Praise God!!!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Damn Thyroid and Random Enlarged Lymph Nodes.

A couple of months back, I felt a lump on my neck. I didn't think too much about it at the time because I didn't have any symptoms of anything. I had gone to the doctor in April for a bladder problem and mentioned it and was told it was nothing to worry about, so I didn't.

Fast forward to July. I got home from South Africa and couldn't get my groove back. I thought it was from the insanely long flight home that did me in. My knees hurt terribly on the plane, my legs swelled up, I hardly slept. I just figured my extreme fatigue was jet lag. 

About a week later, I still didn't feel right. I could barely keep my eyes open. My clothes were not fitting well, nor had they been for a couple of months but even the ones I bought right before our trip were tight. I figured with that lump, my weight gain, and my tiredness it was probably a thyroid issue. 

I went to the doctor on Tuesday night, July 22 2014. I got on the scale and flipped out. It was 32 lbs more from where I was a year ago at this time, 14 lbs since my appointment in April. When the doctor came in, I was bawling my eyes out. I was so tired and so frustrated, that crying was my only option at the time. 

She felt around my neck. Told me that the lump is one of the largest nodules she's felt in a long time. Said my symptoms were right on target with an under-active thyroid and sent me to the lab for blood work and to get an U/S appointment for my thyroid. 

I got my U/S appointment for first thing on Friday and my labs were still pending due to the Utah holiday that Thursday. I was told not to expect anything until Tuesday of the next week; however 45 minutes later the doctor called me back with some of my labs and the U/S results.

I was told my thyroid was 4.75 when it should have been under 3. I was told I had multiple nodules on my thyroid. They called in a medication called Armour Thyroid. My B12 (which I have pernicious anemia from) was completely normal, so that must be where my tiredness is coming from... the thyroid.

The U/S said that the lump I can feel is not related to my thyroid issues. They said it showed as a 2.1 cm enlarged lymph node and I needed to go to an ENT for an evaluation. By the time I tried calling my ENT, they were already closed so I called first thing on Monday instead and got an appointment for Tuesday morning.

The ENT wasn't available so I saw his PA. We talked for a bit, he felt my throat, made me drink while he held my throat, etc. He said I more than likely needed an excisional biopsy, but wanted me to get a CT Scan first. I asked why I needed the scan if he was planning on taking it out but he said he needed to know placement, depth, etc. before they removed it. Luckily, they were able to get me in the next day.

I went in for the CT Scan on Wednesday and things were pretty routine. They put a marker where I felt the lump, I laid on the table, they did their thing. When they started the contrast, I got nauseous. My body was hot in the inside and I felt like I was going to pee my pants. When I sat up, I thought I was going to throw up. Blah. I ended up having diarrhea the rest of the night. Yuck!! They told me that I should have the results by the end of the week if not the beginning of the next.

Friday rolled around and the nurse called. The CT Scan results were back and it showed a 2.1 cm lymph node. Well, duh. I already knew that. She wouldn't tell me anything else. She said that it needed to be removed for "further diagnosis" and the next available surgery time is August 20th. Considering she was calling me on August 1st, I kinda freaked out because that's an awful lot of time to wait. That's the day my kids go back to school... our new house should be finishing... and my husband was going out of town. I asked her to talk to the Dr to see if there was anything else he could do or if another ENT could do it sooner.

She called me back a few hours later and said the ENT moved his schedule around and I'd be able to have it removed on Wednesday 8/6/14 instead. Phew. Regardless of the results, I just want to know.

Of course, my mind has been wandering. I talked to a nephew's mom who's had lymphoma. I've Googled way too much. My gut isn't telling me much... I know that the lump is causing me to choke on things and lose my voice, so regardless having it out should help a ton. If it happens to be something cancer related, then we'll deal with it. I have faith that God has a plan for me... so either way, I will be ok. Them not originally scheduling me until 8/20 makes me think it's no big deal if they were willing to wait 3+ weeks to remove it. If they thought it was cancer, then they wouldn't have made me wait that long.

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment... then I'll find out my surgery schedule... then Wednesday will be surgery. The patient portal doesn't have my CT Scan report posted, so I want to get a copy of that while I am there... and find out how long it takes to get the pathology report back. It's the waiting and unknowing that drives me nuts. Let's just get it done!

***Update: the doctor is pretty sure it's a benign reactive lymphnode. We are waiting on the final pathology report as the sample was sent to another lab for verification. I should know for sure by the end of the week. ***