Friday, November 22, 2013

Wanted- Dara Mclean

Lisa, Dara Mclean, and Ty in Vegas at WinterJam 2014

This song speaks to me.I could listen to it over and over again. You can hear it here:

 From when I was little I was told that I was NOT wanted by certain people, that in our culture a girl as a first born wasn't acceptable. I have been through a lot in my life because of those feelings. A few weeks ago we were in Vegas the same time that WinterJam 2013 was going on. We stood in line for a few hours to get our GA seats and Dara Mclean stopped right by where we were standing and sang this song for us. Goosebumps and tears, let me tell you!  After she was done singing my daughter and I went over to meet her. What an awesome experience. I hope this song touches you as much as it does me. God bless!

From the day you were born 
And took your first breath 
You opened your eyes and in came the light 
He was watching you 
But all of your life you couldn't shake the lies in your head 
Saying you're a mistake 
Oh but you were made 
By a God who knows your name 
He doesn't make mistakes 

You are wanted 
To every broken heart, He stands with open arms 
You are wanted 
To every searching soul, look to the rising sun 
If you're lonely, hurting, gone too far 
To the outcast you come as you are 
For you, you are wanted, you, you are wanted 
You, you are wanted, you, you are wanted 

Let this be the day that joy takes the place 
Of all of the years that shame tried to steal away 
He is calling you 
Lift your eyes to see His face 
Come run into the arms of grace 


You, you have been marked 
You're set apart 
And He calls you His 
So you don't have to search 
Don't have to look for where you belong 

You are wanted 


Friday, November 1, 2013

Friday Confessional 11/01/13

I Confess: It's been months since I've had my last confession. I Confess: A lot has taken place in that time... a short term missions trip to the DR with my family, a new job, my 5 year anniversary, and contact with my "real" dad. I Confess: I am going to attempt to do better at confessing. I Confess: I am going to Vegas next week. I am so stinking excited! I Confess: I am scared to have teenage kids... we had another teenage death in our community, a suicide. Blows my mind that these kids are taking permanent measures to temporary problems. I pray that with the wisdom I've instilled in my kids and Jesus in their heart, we'll never have to go through that personally, but you never know and it's scary. My heart breaks for the parents and siblings and my prayers go out to them and our community for the loss of a child.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Father vs Dad

Back in July, before we went to the DR on our short term missions trip; I got a Facebook friend request from someone with a familiar last name, but I didn't know who it was as the profile picture was of a dog. This last name is my maiden name… a name I haven’t associated with for a long time. A name that broke my heart over and over again in the past twenty years; however I was curious. I wanted to see who it was, what they wanted, and why they were friending me.

I accepted the friend request with the idea that I could unfriend them as easily as I friended them. I was poking around and figured out my father had remarried and this was his current (4th?!) wife. They currently live in NV and have been married for almost 8 years. Considering that I haven’t talked to him in 11, this was news to me.

She private messaged me… told me about herself, her life, my father, etc. Told me how he’s changed, he’s repented and now follows Christ. She “liked” just about every picture I posted. Seemed like a nice lady, but I was still on edge, which I felt like I had a right to be.

Fast forward until last week…  I got a friend request from a very familiar name, my father. I sat on it for a few days without replying. I wasn't sure that I wanted to open that can of worms. As I've mentioned, my past has a lot of heart ache that was caused by him. I've come along way with the help of Jesus in terms of forgiving; however I don’t feel that I could forget. I've freed myself in forgiveness, but I am not going to stupidly put myself into that situation again to relive it. So a few days went on… and he private messages me. I replied back with a nice, but blunt email. I laid it all out on the line, what did I have to lose? I didn't sugarcoat anything about how I felt; however told him I would be willing  to try to have a relationship with him, to be his friend.

Within a few hours I got a reply and he went off the handle. Basically telling me to take a hike and I could take baby-steps to his grave. Exact same behavior from the last time I talked to him… or rather, he talked to my answering machine… screaming at me, calling me names, and saying he was moving out of state.

Why would I subject myself to that? Why would I allow him to come into my live and get to know my kids when things really haven’t changed and subject them to that? He questioned my Christianity, which really pissed me off. Don’t throw bible verses at me about forgiveness when you act this way when things don’t go your way. I thought allowing him to be my friend was a good step b/c he can’t just jump back in my life and be my dad. It doesn't work that way. You've got to earn trust.

It’s been a rough road… I've felt abandoned, neglected, hurt. I think I hide it well most of the time, but looking back I see that some of my past with men I've acted poorly b/c of that. The one thing I am thankful for is my step-dad who stepped up when my daughter was born and has really filled the shoes of a father figure and grandpa. I can’t imagine my life without him in it, although it’s taken a lot to get us where we are today. Now he is one of my best friends… a father to my husband as well. He has taken such good care of my mom with everything she’s gone through. He is what a dad is supposed to be.

So for now… I unfriended them both. I don’t want to deal with that drama. I know I am good person; I love Jesus, and I know that none of this is my fault. We’ll see how the future plays out, but for now I am good with where I am in my life. I am loved by God, the ultimate father/dad, and that's all that really matters anyway. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

"God, can you just show me a sign?!"

Things in my life have been changing... lots of changes as work. Not bad changes, things that are good for our company but it's really put into perspective what I want to do when grow up and I think I want to learn more than I currently know :)

I want to help people... I want to interact with employees... I don't think I want to manage people right now... I want to find people jobs... I want to help with employee relations. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how that fits into my current career and if it couldn't what my next steps were.

Well, last week a company that I had applied for months ago reached out to me to say they have a Sr. HR Generalist position. Part of the job is recruiting... the other part is employee relations. Uh, ok. Odd since that is what I wanted to do... but ok. Let's learn more about this.

I went in to talk to their VP and spent hours there... he said that if he can make the money work out, he'd love to have me join their team. He told me he'd call me back by Friday with a decision. He ended up calling me the very next day, but I missed the call and when I was calling him back I prayed and said, "God, can you show me a sign? Am I supposed to be leaving my job of 7 years and risking everything to make this move?".  Then a song came on the radio (KLove, of course!) that had the name of the company in it. Wow! Blew me away... Ok, God. I'm listening!

I end up getting the offer... accepted it verbally... wanted to give my notice the following day but couldn't meet up with my manager. The weekend passes and I give notice Monday morning. On Tuesday I have a meeting with the VP of HR at my current job and she offers me a very similar position to stay here. Hmmm...

Again, what am I supposed to do? I am texting my husband and mom to talk through it. I go to to stream some music as I eat lunch at my desk and again that song comes on. Alright, God... I hear ya! Never in my life have I felt an answer so clearly. I am trusting in His plan!

So this Friday I am saying goodbye to my employer, colleagues, and friends of the last 7 years. I am taking a big leap of faith. I am excited. I am terrified. I am feeling bittersweet. I pray that this is God's Will and me and my family will be taken care of. Here we go... on to the new chapter of my life!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Friday Confessions

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I Confess:
It's been a minute since I've been here to confess.
I Confess:
I don't have a very good reason for slacking.
I Confess:
I ended up having shoulder surgery a month ago. I guess that could contribute to my slacking. Thought I was getting my bicept tendon reattached but it was already attached. I ended up having to get my shoulder bone shaved down, bone spurs removed, and a tear in my rotator cuff fixed. Luckily for me, it all went well... and I am already done with Physical Therapy and only have a little achiness.
I Confess:
I am super excited for our trip to IL/IN/MI in a month for my Kindergarden BFF's wedding. Going to a Cubs game to round off the fun weekend.
I Confess:
My family (Mister Husband, all three kids, and my parents) are going on a mission trip with my church to the Dominican Republic. We are going to spend one day at the Learning Center we were at in November and the rest of the time a AIDS orphanages. I am so excited for the opportunity to serve with my family.
I Confess:
My amazing husband got me a 3 hour spa package for Mother's Day. I am going next Saturday... massage, facial, pedicure, etc. I can't wait! Then we are going away to spend the night at a King Arthur themed room in Logan. Yay, Happy Mother's Day to me!
I Confess:
Tomorrow we celebrate my mom being 5 years since her last breast cancer diagnosis. We are having a Pink Party in her honor. I am so thankful that God chose to heal her body. She is an AMAZING woman and is the rock of our family. I love ya mama!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

This bible verse has been going through my head for a couple of reasons. The first is because of my own children. My 13 year old daughter is on staff at our church in the nursery/preschool and she has been for a couple years now. Currently, she is in a discipleship program and leading worship in the Youth Group. My 10 year old son is very active in Royal Rangers and is the highest ranking boy in our whole church. They both will pray with anyone, anywhere, and anytime. They love to serve their community and have a heart for missions work. I couldn't be prouder. I am so blessed.

The other reason this verse is on my heart is because of another family that I know... one who doesn't have a strong belief system. One who throws around the name "Jesus Christ" as its a swear word... who says they'll pray for people because they don't know what else to say. One who goes to church to show off, rather than to really worship. In turn, this family is going through alot of struggles... financial, health, and most recently with a straying child.

Honestly, it hurts my heart... which in turn makes me think of what it's doing to God. He wants a relationship with us. He wants to love us and have us love Him in return. He sent His son to die for our sins, to give us a chance at salvation. Why wouldn't we want that?

I know its not my place to judge but that's where that verse comes into play... if their children knew God at a younger age, would they have lost this child to drugs and girls? I don't know... I just hope that with my own children the values they have instilled in them now will help deter them from those things in the future.

All I can do is pray for them... really pray for them, not just say it because I don't know what else to say.

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Elephant in the Room: Lust

Yesterday at church, our Pastor spoke about the elephant in the room. You know, that really big problem that's sitting in front of us and no one wants to talk about? Yeah, him. As part of this series, yesterday's elephant was Lust.

As I was preparing myself all week to sit through service yesterday... a lot of things came to my mind. A lot of situations from my past that either involved me or people around me. Issues with work romances. Issues with pornography addictions. Flirting that seemed harmless. Full on adulterous sexual encounters.

I thought about all the people involved in all of those scenarios... wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, kids. The sin of lust isn't just with you... it involves so many people around you. That's when I realized what a broken world we live in.

As our Pastor was talking, I was drawn in to his every word. I think I took about 6 pages of notes b/c I didnt want to miss a thing. I've been hurt in the past due to results of lust. I want to safe guard my marriage from this point forward to ensure our marriage is the way God intended, between me and my husband only.

A couple of the things that stood out to me specifically:
  • If you have a problem with pornography, do something drastic. Turn off your internet in your house. Hand in your smartphone. Get rid of the temptations.
  • If a wife doesn't feel good about a friendship the husband has with someone of the opposite sex, there is a reason for it. Wives are very good judges of character and their guts talk to them. Husbands, if your wife says anything about that girl you work with;  RUN!
  • Communication. You have to be able to communicate with your spouse. No matter how hard or awkward it is, you have to talk about it openly. Keeping anything from your spouse will always come back to get you.
  • Have an accountability partner. If you struggle with this sin, you cant do it on your own. You need someone to encourage you, to talk to you, to pray with you. Seek a Godly man or woman from your church. Suck it up, you are not the only person who struggles with this... remember that elephant? Everyone knows its there so get past your ego and get some help.
As a lot of these things hit home for me... When I feel lost or that things are beyond repair, my God tells me to wait... that He's got a plan for me and things will get better. I thank God for the work he has done in my marriage. I pray for all of those wives who are currently dealing with this mess. I pray that they are wise enough to know what's going on. That they have someone to confide in and seek help with... That they feel God's love in the midst of conflict with their spouse.

As my Pastor said, when these men are sitting in a dark room in their house, on their computer, looking at naked women... do you realize that those ladies are daughters of the Great I Am? I bet if they remembered that instead of looking at them as an object of lust, there would be a lot less of this going on.

My biggest prayer is for these husbands. That they realize the damage they do with this sin. The heartache they cause. The grief they put the one they love through. All aspects of lust are damaging and heartbreaking... no matter how small. I pray that every man has the respect to start looking at women differently today...starting at the way they should be looking at their wives; you know, the only person they should have eyes for in the first place.


Friday, February 15, 2013

Confessions: Valentine's Edition

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Time to Confess!!
I confess:
I had a great Valentine's Day.
I confess:
I was spoiled. An anniversary band to go with my wedding ring, flowers, a coffee mug, and a stuffed animal.
I confess:
I spoiled Mister Husband as well. A new leather motorcycle vest, pictures in frames, and a plant for his desk at work.
I confess:
The kids got spoiled too. Candy and tickets to a Utah Jazz game in a couple weeks.
I confess:
We spent our Valentine's at the bowling alley. Wasn't the most romantic outing, but I was with my honey (and my son) so it was good :)
I confess:
When we got my ring last weekend, they gave us a gift card for a free pound of See's Candy. I am officially 4lbs heavier this week than normal.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day 2013

Valentine's Day is more to me than flowers and candy... it was 5 years ago on this day that Bryan stole my heart. I was in a funk over something's my ex-husband was doing and Bryan pulled through and restored my faith in the opposite sex. Because of his sweet ways with me and my kids, I fell in love with him that day and knew he was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Mister Husband, I love you with everything in me. Be Mine, always and forever.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Let. It. Go.

How to stop running the show and start walking in faith... Love it!!

I am doing an online bible study with some ladies from my church... we meet on Wednesday nights to discuss what we've read. We just started this last week and already this book as touched me. It's talking about not being in control... and it's ok to let go of the control. It talks about control in marriage. It talks about having a healthier marriage. I am only a few chapters in, but I can't wait to read more.

If you are interested in checking it out, go to

Friday, February 8, 2013

Friday Confessions 02-08-13

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Another Friday... another time to confess!
I Confess:
My shoulder feels better, my elbow feels worse. Dang ice! Went back to the Dr today and nothing is broken... but she thinks there is soft tissue problems. So meds and PT are in my future.
I Confess:
I really didnt care the outcome of the Dr appt as long as she said I could take that dang sling off. And she did, so I am much happier!
I Confess:
My girl didnt make the team... he has enough guards in older players. Bummer. However she showed so much heart and ability, that he asked her to be the team manager, as a 7th grader. Yay!
I Confess:
I dont like that I've spent more time with my ex-husband this week than I have with Mister Husband. Freaking get back from Puerto Rico already will you, Bry?!
I Confess:
It was a crazy week... alot going on at work and at home. I felt stretched like you wouldnt believe, but I made it. Here we are at Friday and it's almost time for the weekend. Sleeping in and relaxing are in my future... with a lot of snuggles with my hubby who's getting home late tonight.
What are you confessing?!

Friday, February 1, 2013

I Confess 02-01-13

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I Confess:
I've had an emotional week.
I Confess:
It started with a monsterous snowstorm where I slipped in my driveway and fell on my arm. Yup, my shoulder is slightly dislocated and my elbow has a bleed. Praying it didnt do any damage to my fused neck.
I Confess:
I found out that a soccer mom I am friend with is losing her battle to cancer. 4 years ago she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It came back over a year ago in other organs. She told us this week that her body isnt responding to treatments and she is going to spend the rest of her time and energy just being with her family. Broke my heart. She has young kids. She is an amazing person.
I Confess:
Hearing about my friends prognosis sent me into hysterics. That could have been my mom. Thank God for healing her.
I Confess:
I have a presentation to give next week that I am a little freaked out about. Hundreds of people. On a topic that is a change in our process that people arent totally thrilled about.
I Confess:
My hubby is going out of the country again next week. I hate when he is gone.
I Confess:
My daughter has been going to basketball camp all week and tryouts for the Jr High team are Mon/Tues. Good luck sis!!
I Confess:
PTC didnt go so well for Drew yesterday. They said he's been having some behavior issues. He says he feels left out.... left out at home b/c his sister is getting too big and with her friends a lot now. Left out at school b/c he goes for resource reading help and misses things in his class.... but more importantly left out by his dad b/c he only takes him 4x a month now instead of what he had. Unfortunatly there is nothing I can do to help wiht that b/c his dad told me last night he is too busy. Breaks my heart for my little boy. He's my tenderheart.

Happy Birthday TunaFish

Thirteen years ago yesterday on a snowy morning,we left for the hospital to have my little girl. Doesn't matter what you call her (TylerNicole, peanut, TyTy, tunafish, T-Nic, etc.), she has become an amazing young lady. She is wise beyond her 13 years, she is beautiful, she is smart, and she loves Jesus. 

She is a social butterfly, a sneaky junk food hider (Im on to you!), a basketball player, a Patriots football fan, a Nursery/Preschool teacher, and a friend to all.

Ty, I am so proud to be your momma. I love you so much. You're a blessing to me and your BryDad. Hope you had a wonderful birthday sis!!

Friday, January 4, 2013

I Confess... 1/4/13

I Confess...
That it is 1 degree in Utah this morning and I am freezing!
I Confess...
That tomorrow morning we leave for sunny warm Miami, FL for the BCS National Championship game. Go Irish!!
I Confess...
My uncle passed away this last weekend and my son had a meltdown about it last night. My heart hurt for him and our loss.
I Confess...
While in Park City, my husband took me shopping, took me to a movie, bought me flowers, bought me some delicious cinnamon ice cream, and cooked me dinner. What a man!
I Confess...
I am nervous to leave my kids this weekend... they both have colds and what not, Drew is sad, etc. I am sure they will be fine, but the mother in me is anxious.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Years 2013

Welcome to 2013! I was counting down the days to get a fresh start with a new year... the last quarter of the year wasn't the favorite time in my life and I am glad to move on from it.

It didnt end quite as well as I hoped... I found out that my uncle passed away on Friday. He had been suffering an illness for years, we moved him here from Chicago to be close to family, and I am glad we had the opportunity to spend that time with him. The kids loved being around him. The medication he had to take was potent and caused his heart to weaken. He died of a heart attack. It's going to be weird not having him around.

My mom didnt tell us until we got home from our trip...she didnt want to ruin our time away, which I appreciate.

On Saturday Bryan suprised me with a trip to Gardner Village in SLC to take pictures. I've been asking to go and we've never had a chance... so on our way to Park City we stopped. It was fun. I think I got some good shots. I'll have to update this once I upload them.

We have a timeshare and one of the places we can go is Park City, which is a little over an hour away from us. We checked in, got situated, and went to dinner at a place called Blue Sushi. It was pricey, but so good.

Sunday we slept in until 11am. Crazy! I never sleep in. We got up and went shopping at the outlet mall. Bryan said I bought them out. I cant help it when the store is 70% off and I need new (smaller!) pants. We went to see "This is 40". It was kinda raunchy, but I laughed a lot.

On Monday we went to Main Street... visited the Harley Davidson store, ate at the Wasatch Brew Pub. Then we went home and just relaxed... took a nap, watched TV. That was New Years Eve and I dont usually stay up past 10pm so I wanted to be well rested.

We got dressed up... and went to the Canyons for their NYE Gala. It was so fun. They had amazing food, cool decorations, a bar, a DJ, everyone was dancing. We are trying to plan it again for next year.

I am so glad me and my hubby got this time away... it was fun to not have much of an agenda and spend all that time together.

I hope everyone had a fun and safe New Years and I pray for a wonderful 2013.