Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tylenol and Slushie= no fever?

Drew's daycare called yesterday about 1030am to say he had a tummy ache and a fever. Ends up the fever was 103. His dad ended up going to get him... he puked 2x. I asked if he puked on his dad, my ex didn't think I was too funny. LOL

He was up all night with the fever...hot as could be. He climbed in bed with us and I was up all night sweating because of the heat box next to me. This morning he was better, it was down to 99 with no throwing up... but is complaining of a headache.

So I worked from home today to make sure he was ok. Fevers and people with seizure disorders dont go together, but so far he hasnt had a seizure but I keep checking on him.

He told me a minute ago, "Momma... my head hurts really bad. the only thing that is gonna help is a slushie from 7-11". Nice try, kid.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Bakugans, Legos, and DS games

Time is flying by... my little guy is turning 6 today. We had a party for him last night with my side of the family. I asked him if he wanted us to have dinner and he said "nope". Should be get cake? "nope". Icecream? "nope". Ok Drew, what should we do?

"We need to make cupcakes. Enough cupcakes for everyone. They need to be chocolate cherry ones". Hmmmm, ok. Luckily Cherry Chip with Chocolate frosting worked for him.

He got everything he wanted... Bakugans, Legos, magnet cars, a DS game (and of course, being the mom- I had to throw in some clothes). He was so happy.
Here are some pictures:
Raquel knows how to pick cool toys!
Awww... my Blakee found out what a Bakugan is!
Mom, you were supposed to take a picture as I was blowing it out, not after! Can we light it again?
"Thanks Nan. I love you!"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

9/24/08-Mom Update

Looks like the blood transfusions helped. She is out of the hospital and she had alot more energy than she did all weekend. We went to visit her yesterday for dinner and she said that she felt much better, her color was back and had a little more sparkle in her eyes. Thank you for all the prayers... keep them coming!

Here are some pictures of her from Vegas:

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My life as a movie...

PSS: Which movie or TV show does your life most closely resemble and why?

Growing up I would have said the “Brady Bunch”… When my mom remarried we combined 2 families and had a total of 6 kids.

Now, I am not so sure… I can’t think of anything that jumps to mind. Maybe I will come back and re-answer this question later on…. My mind is swimming with other things at the moment.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Prayers Please~

As I said before, Mom was supposed to have her chemo on Thursday morning before we left. She sat there for hours debating on what to do because her blood count was low. Ended up not getting her chemo, but having shots to do all weekend to up her blood count so she could get her chemo done today when she got back. She went in for her appointment and the dr sent her to the hospital. Her blood count is dangerously low and has been admitted for a blood transfussion. Obviously I am freaking out... and am feeling that if she hadnt gone with us she would be ok right now... so I am just a mess. Please say some prayer for her right away.

It's official, I am Mrs Williams!

From Lisa Erwin to Lisa Williams in one short trip to Vegas.

We had a great time... the wedding location was beautiful. We had the ceremony at the Valley of Fire State Park. It was a nice day, although very windy. The kids looked darling and my groom was gorgeous. My (step)dad gave me away, my beautiful mother was there, and the kids stood (or in Drew's case, squatted) with us as we became a family.

Thanks to all my family and friends who made the trip to be with us during this special time. We made some great memories, took some fun pictures, and drank ALOT (a wall of jello shots, really?). I am so blessed to have you in our lives and love you all.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Off to Vegas

Well... we are off to Vegas in the morning. I took today off to pack and do last minute things and as I am sitting here at 9:39am, all I have left to do is pick up Drew's medicine at Walmart and fill up the car. I guess it wasn't going to be as big of a production as I thought.

We are going to leave at 5am tomorrow, stop in Farmington, and caravan down with Bryan's parents and brother/SIL and nephews. My parents, sister (Heather) and friend (Blake) are going to ride down after mom's chemo appointment. Mark and his girlfriend are leaving after work to drive. Jenn and Alan fly in tomorrow evening. My aunt is driving on Friday. Raquel and Tracy are flying Friday afternoon and my friend Angie from IN/AZ is flying in Saturday morning. There are a few others who planned to come, but at the last minute things happened and cant make it, but no worries I am sure I'll have plenty of pictures to share!!

My darling friend Blake is going to take the kids Sunday and got us a hotel room up in Park City for the night. I tell you what, I have the BEST friends ever.

I am really excited. I feel like my life is complete now. Bryan is a wonderful guy. He puts the kids at the top of his priority list and genuinely cares about all of us. I couldn't ask for someone better to be my husband. So... when I return, I will be Mrs Williams!

Monday, September 15, 2008

My Mom in Vegas

My mom went for her appointment last week and talked to the doctor about what she needs to do to be able to go to Vegas on Thursday. Her weight is good, actually gained a couple pounds. Her red blood count is good, but will keep her on shots until we leave. Her white blood count is a little low, so will have a big shot on Thursday morning along with her one dose of chemo. They arent sure how her blood clots are, but assuming better because the swelling is down and no pain. She still has to give shots in her belly to help thin her blood, along with the other meds. She says her belly looks like someone took a baseball bat to her b/c of the bruising. Her doctor isn't thrilled she is going, but promised her up front she could go. She promised him that if something happens she will go to a hospital there, but isnt anticipating anything. She is going to go to the room to nap as needed and just do like she normally does. Maybe not as much walking, but they have their car, the tram, taxi's, etc. She is just so happy for me, thats all she has been thinking about. I am glad to know that my wedding has been a focus for her, take her mind off things. I am just so happy to know she will be there for my big special day..

PSS: Dream Car

Kim asked what our dream car is and why... and I am not sure I have a "dream car".

I think the car I have now is my favorite of all that I have had, does that count? Its a Mercury Mountaineer, Alloy color, 7 seater, has a plug for my Ipod, fits my whole family plus some... only thing that sucks is gas, but what SUV doesn't?

My Dr Appt Update

I was so nervous about my doctor appointment on Friday but the moment I met the doctor my anxiety went away. She was so personable and nice. She actually spent over 1.5 hrs with me. We talked about my medical history and family history. I had my mom go to the appointment with us… and it was a good thing I did b/c she gave a very complete family history. There is a lot more cancer in our family than I was aware of. The Dr did an exam and then we went over options. She said that she is glad that my PCP prepared me for the possibility of surgery b/c its something I am going to need to keep in the back of my mind, but for now she doesn’t feel it’s necessary.

She wants me to read up on the side effects of some medicine, go to a genetic counselor, and visit her every 6 months for a clinical breast exam and MRI. She is very up to date on her stuff and said to not be surprised if I get a random call from her b/c something new is out that she wants to make me aware of. She is going to call my radiologist to get some clarification on her notes, as some things were oddly worded but doesn’t think I have concern right now. She said that I am higher risk that most, but shouldn’t think of a mastectomy for at least 5 yrs and by then something new maybe out

So anyhow, that’s the update. I feel really good about my appointment. She said that I need to forget all this for the next 3 wks and focus on getting married on Saturday and then give her a call to set up the other appointments.

Friday, September 12, 2008

The fate of my "girls"

Today I should learn the future of my “girls”… and its weird b/c ever since making the appointment I have had a greater appreciation of them; however if the doctor says that my best chances are to remove them, then that’s what I am going to do.

I was thinking that a prophylactic mastectomy is the worst that can happen and I am ready to deal with that. Maybe this doctor is going to have a different opinion… maybe she will feel I am ok to not do anything and just be checked yearly. Maybe she is going to recommend some kind of medication. I am going to go into my appointment with an open mind and see what she feels is best, she is the breast expert.

I ran into my PCP the other day when I went to pick up my mammogram films. She said that she was shocked that my mom’s BRCA came back negative for the gene mutation. She said that me having the surgery was a no brainer if she was positive. With her being negative, she is glad I have the appointment in SLC today so we can see what this lady thinks.

I'll keep you updated!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Then and Now

20 years ago...
1. I played hide and seek in the dark
2. I had thick glasses and really high bangs
3. I was in a class of 9 students (total)

10 years ago...
1. I had been married for a year
2. Working at AOL
3. I was living in Roy

5 years ago...
1. I went on a cruise for my 25th birthday
2. I had a son a year earlier.
3. I was struggling to keep my marriage together

3 years ago...
1. I got divorced from my husband
2. I was living in Farr West
3.I started dating my best friend.

1 year ago...
1. I was the magnet for unavailable men
2. I moved to North Ogden
3. I celebrated my 1 yr anniversary at MarketStar

So far this year...
1. Met a guy that I fell in love with.
2. My mom’s breast cancer returned
3. I am getting married.

1. Bitched at the car dealership b/c our new car’s brakes have issues
2. Tried to finalize the wedding things, got frustrated, and just want to run off without my guests.
3. Snuggled with my silly boy

1. Spoke to my mom and she reassures me that she is OK.
2. Stopped to get a “Dancing Queen” latte b/c I deserve it.
3. We are taking Bryan out to dinner for his birthday (which is tomorrow)

1. Going to a scrapbook sale at the fairgrounds.
2. It’s the anniversary of the “time when those airplanes crashed into those buildings and people fell” (how my daughter remembers it)
3. Will be a day away from my doctor appointment to find out the future of my ta-ta’s.

Next year...
1. I’ll be celebrating a one year anniversary if being Mrs. Williams
2. Will not pay as much for daycare b/c my kids will be in school all day.
3. I’ll be a more patient person b/c Bryan’s patience will have rubbed off on me for a year. (Hey, its a good thought!)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I hate bad dreams... even more so when they come to life.

Last night I had a bad dream... without going into alot of detail, it was about my mom being admitted to the hospital and no one told me. I woke up at 3am in tears.

I spoke to her earlier today and she sounded great. I was even gonna tell her about my dream this morning when I had her on the phone... but we got talking about other stuff and I forgot about it.

It's Tuesday so we headed over to my parents after I picked the kids up from daycare like we have been doing since chemo started. When I got there, my mom pulled me aside....

I think my dream was deja vu.

My mom had a portacath placed under the skin on her chest which allows the chemo to go right to her heart to be pumped through her body without having to be stuck with needles every time. I guess last night she noticed some unusual pain and swelling in her arm so she called her doctor. They had her come in right away and took her to get an U/S. She has a blood clot.

They gave her some options. To be admitted to the hospital for an IV with Comedin and Heprin or she could increase the oral Comedin she is on and give herself injections of Heprin at home. She chose the later option. She showed me her belly and she has huge bruises where she has to inject the medicine. I guess she has to do those shots for 5 days and will be checked again.

I was hysterical. I had to walk outside to get a grip. She told me she didnt tell me earlier b/c she knew I was going to see her tonight and she wanted to tell me where I could see she was ok. She said she feels good, its just a side effect of chemo. Again the doctor said she is amazing and is setting new standards for the rest of his patients b/c if it had been anyone else, they would be in the hospital.

I am glad the doctor feels good about it... but it freaks me out.

Monday, September 8, 2008

PSS: Ya gotta have Faith

The question came from Kim this week… “Tell us about at least 1 religion, other than your own, you respect and why. “

I am going to modify my answer a bit because this is something I have thought a lot about the past couple of years and I have made some changes to my life because of it.

A little background… My dad grew up being Catholic. My mom was Methodist. When they got together, my mom became Catholic. My brother and I were both raised Catholic although when we moved here and my parents got divorced, I was the only one who went to church anymore (and my dad bounced around religions like he did wives… Linda-Mormon, Jolene-Baptist, etc).

When my ex-DH and I got married, religion was a big conflict. His family is LDS and I remember conversations of “if you marry her, you wont be able to go to the temple and be sealed to your family” and whatnot, but he barely graduated seminary and didn’t go on a mission so that wasn’t a big thing to him. There was even a time I was tricked into missionary discussions, but we won’t get into that.

Because I was the church-goer, about 6 months after we had a civil wedding ceremony we had our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. As we had kids, they were baptized Catholic. He never went to church with me and shortly after, I realized how difficult it was to take 2 little kids to church on your own. One would sit and cry as the other would run up and down the aisle. I told myself I would go back to church when they were older and quit going… then I went through my divorce.

I couldn’t think of a time more than then that I needed to go back to church so we returned for a while. Even though divorce is not a sin in the Catholic Church (being remarried without having it annulled is) I still felt like I wasn’t not wanted or a part of the church anymore. I was going through a difficult time and didn’t feel I had the support I needed… so again, I stopped going.

I had heard good things about the Lutheran faith. They were open to worshipping with divorced people, single people with kids, homosexual people, didn't matter. They just want people to feel welcome and to praise the Lord with them. It didn’t matter what color, race, or history you had.

It just happened that I moved down the street from Ascension Lutheran so I popped in there one Sunday morning to see what it was like. First shock to me was the Pastor was a woman. It took me by surprise, but it was also comforting. Other than that, everything was very similar to what I had been used to my whole life, same songs, same order of things, etc. People have said that Lutherans are like Catholics, just without all the rules.

I took my kids back the next weekend and they LOVED it. They sat through the service, no fussing or complaining. They liked the snack after service and all the activities that went on in Sunday school. It got to the point where they were counting down to when Sunday was so they could go back.

Around Easter, we went through some classes and became part of the Lutheran church. It was the best move I could have made for me and my family. The people at church have been wonderful. They are very welcoming and loving. They have been such a source of strength while we have been going through mom’s cancer.

I respect the Catholic religion, but I have learned from experience that it’s not the place for me anymore. I am glad I have found somewhere I can now call home.

Friday, September 5, 2008

9/5/08 Mom Update

Mom update:
Mom is in her “off week” so she did not have any chemo this week. I think she only has 2 (maybe 3) more sessions left. She went in yesterday to get her blood levels checked. Her white blood count looked good so she doesn’t need more bone marrow stimulating shots (for now) so she is happy about that. She said her arm is pretty bruised up. She can only get them in one arm (the opposite side of where her cancer was) and it can only be in the arm. Her red blood count is low. The nurses were amazed that she was even walking, but the funny thing was she said yesterday was her best day, she was feeling great. The doctor didn’t want to mess with anything b/c she isn’t having any symptoms. He said she is rare so he has to go outside the norm with her. If she starts to get (overly) tired or passes out then he will start her on hemocrit shots but for now he doesn’t want to mess with anything and chance a reaction.

She never has a “why me” attitude. She focuses on what it takes to get better and deal with things. She was even telling me about 2 ladies she met in chemo… how she has helped them to know what to ask the doctor, deal with their symptoms, etc. She said that one of them had a daughter with her a couple of weeks ago that was just hysterical that her mom had to go through that and told her about me and how we cope with it and she followed up with her yesterday and said things are a lot better now and the lady even found a wig that she likes. That's just like her to think of everyone else.

Her focus has been on the wedding… she has been counting down the days. In fact, at her first appointment she told the Dr “my daughter is getting married on the 20th of September in Vegas, so you need to do what you need to do to get me to that wedding”. She loves playing slot machines. She will wander around until she finds one that “talks to her”… she will put in $20 and every time she gets to $100 then she cashes out and sticks in another $20. Normally, she will come home well ahead of what she went into it with. I asked her how she plans on doing that this time, if she is going to wear a mask or whatnot and she said that she is going to take some masks but isn’t sure if she is going to wear it. She said she will just gauge how comfortable she is and if she doesn’t feel good about the people around her she will move on until she find another lucky machine.

She isn’t letting this cancer change her life. She tries to keep things normal. You can tell she is tired and moves a little slower, but her personality hasn’t changed at all and she keeps an amazing attitude.

So there is the update for this week. Keep the prayers comin’!!

PSS Filler: Cheating with a Celebrity

Amy asked," If you were going to cheat, with what celebrity/famous person (only) would it be with?"

I think every good relationship should have the “if I had the opportunity to sleep with XXXXX it not have any implications” clause.

Well, for me XXXXX would be Dave Matthews, The Rock, and Derek Jeter.

Dave Matthews- it’s kinda a given. I am so in love with him, his music, his band… He isn’t a drop dead gorgeous guy, but someone I would definitely get with if given the opportunity. How awesome would it be to have a personal serenade of "Dream Girl"???

The Rock- aka Dwayne Johnson. My fantasies are from my days of watching WWF. This guy has muscles upon muscles. Yum!

Derek Jeter- although I am not a Yankees fan (Go Cubbies), he is a very good looking, athletic guy. He is a clear definition of how baseball pants are to be filled out!

Ya know? This would be a good question to ask Bryan… who would his 3 “freebies” be if given the opportunity?? I’ll have to ask!

***Update: Bryan's 3 consist of Faith Hill, Angelina Jolie, and Halle Berry. I'm good with that- LOL***

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Go back to eating donuts!

Can I just warn you that there is a cop on 18th and Washington? Did you know that the speed limit there is 35 MPH, although at 17th St there is a 40 MPH sign that you can see from 18th St?

Obviously I am speaking from experience. A few weeks ago I received my first speeding ticket in my 14 years of driving. All b/c I thought I was going 44 in a 40, when I was really going 44 in a 35. I even went back to see where 35 MPH was posted b/c I was ready to fight it, but there is the sign right in front of the DI.

To not have the ticket show up on my record, I went to Traffic School last night. I paid $100 to go, it covered the class and the ticket. They said be there before 7pm b/c they will lock you out if you are later. I pulled in the parking lot at 6:41pm being the early bird that I am and went in to Courtroom 1. The place was already packed!!! People kept piling in right until 7pm and there was only one empty seat in the place. Ogden city made some bank last night.

At 7pm on the dot we get going on things… watch some StupidVideos.com… They did have some shock factor, some crime scene pictures and what not. They talked about what we think are the rules of the road, only to find out not only do I speed, I change lanes improperly and don’t stop at a stop sign at the right place… nice.

Funny thing, the people on either side of me got their ticket in the exact same spot... as did my exhusband a few months back b/c when we got pulled over my daughter says,"Hey, remember when we were late coming home b/c Daddy got a ticket? This was the same spot!"

The class was supposed to be 2 hrs long, but the cop let us out at 8:15 so that worked for me. It’s funny how I took notice on all the things I was doing wrong, so I guess overall it was a good thing to go to.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Kindergarten, really?

Drew is off to kindergarten today. I am not sure where the time went that he is now big and not just a little guy. Good thing he still likes cuddling with his momma!

I am so excited for him. He has been counting down since Thursday and telling people he get to go to "real school" now. He has a darling teacher, he has his new sneakers and a backpack with wheels. This morning he was funny. "What if the daycare forgets to take us?" or "What if I cant find the van when its time to go home and I get left at the school?" Good thing he has his big sis, she said she will help him :)