Friday, December 28, 2012

Five Years

Five years ago today; I was home on my bed watching TV. My phone chimed and it was a friend (who I didn't talk to a lot at the time) texting me to see if I was dating anyone. I remember hesitating with my answer.

Remember... I had gotten divorced 2+ years earlier. I had been in a relationship for a year and a half that ended very emotionally. Up until a month before this, I didn't want a boyfriend. I certainly  didn't want a new husband. I didn't even want a new friend. I had taken a good chunk of time to figure out who I was, what I wanted, what my kids deserved... so had this question come even a month earlier I would have told her where to go with that question.

But I remember God healing my broken heart during those times... I remember doing some negative things, some things I am not proud of... but as I got out of that phase of my life, I remember feeling healed and whole again.  It was then that my friend send me a message... when God knew I was ready, not when I was still in a downward spiral.

Even after telling her I was ok for her to give my number to this guy she worked with... I was still pretty jaded toward the opposite sex. During that time in my life, men had hurt me and walked out on me. I had lost trust. I was used. I didn't want to go through that again, just when I felt like I was strong enough to do everything on my own. We (my kids and I) didn't need anyone...

But I agreed to text with him... and meet him for dinner... and have my friends talk me into inviting him out dancing. Then he kissed me and I knew I was done for. I felt like this could turn into a relationship and it scared me. I tried pushing him away... because that's what happens in my life. I push someone away and they go. No one has ever said "Nope, I am staying"... but in this case, he kept coming back. Which was weird to me, a foreign concept.

I remember the deal breaker situation... Valentine's Day 2008. My ex husband was supposed to have the kids and heard I had a date so decided he didn't want them that weekend. Ooo, I got mad. My anger towards him got directed to this new guy. Made me remember why I was hesitant in starting something new with someone else and that my and the kids were just fine without anyone ... so I called him. The conversation was similar to " Sorry, I am going to have to cancel our date. I will have my kids". Waiting for him to either say "Alright, whatever" or "Get a sitter, lets go out"... but I was totally not expecting "That's ok, lets take them with us". WHAT?! Really?

Yup... that's what happened. We took my kids out with us on our Valentine's Day date and that was the day I fell in love with this amazing man. Seven months later, we were in Las Vegas saying "I DO" and starting our life and family together.

I am not saying it's been perfect... we've had some bumps along the way. There have been times I've been on my face in tears and other times that I am overwhelmed with joy.  98% of the last 5 years have been wonderful... but in the 2% that haven't, I've heard God say "It's ok, I've got this... I've got a plan". It's in those times when I praised Him for this man he put in my life when He knew I was ready. For this man who I know loves me with everything in him. For this man who loves my children as his own. Never once did I feel that God wanted me to do anything different in my marriage than what I've done... and in these hard times, I felt His presence and I know my husband has too b/c now we are closer to Him than ever. We pray together, go to church together, and take communion together as husband and wife. I don't know that we'd be to this point if it weren't for the things we've been through. While I don't want to go through these rough patches again, I know there has been goodness happening because of it. God totally has made beauty from the ashes.

I love my husband, always and forever. Thank you, Jesus, for him. Amen.

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