Update 1/29/09

Wanted to give a quick update on everyone...

Mom is doing well. She is now on day 19 of her 30 days of radiation. She said that the skin on her back is peeling so she asked the radiologist about it and was told that some of the lasers go right through her so the skin on her back will peel. She wasn't expecting that, but she is ok with it... is just happy to be more than half way done. Her 56th birthday is next week. We are going to her house to celebrate her and Ty's bday on Saturday with the whole family and then on Sunday we are taking my parents out to dinner at Teppanyaki to celebrate the birthday girls again.

Ty will be 9 on Saturday. Its CRAZY to think she is that big. I look at pictures from when she was little and I remember it all so clearly. She may only be 9 but she is so mature for her age, I swear she is really 22. She is a little over 2 wks from her surgery. She's been asking alot of questions like "who is going to come see me?, will I sleep alot?, will it hurt?, what if I get sick before the surgery, can he still do it?". I am being very honest with her about everything and she knows I will be there the whole time. She just wishes it was done and overwith already. I agree!

I got my mammogram report back and it says things look good. I am almost a month into being on the Tamoxifen. I go back to my breast specialist in March for an exam and probably an U/S.

I think that's it... Bryan, Taylor, and Drew are good. Gonna have a busy birthday weekend with activites for Ty. Family life is good!

PSS: Lying

Shane asked "What did you last lie about?"

I am not a liar... maybe a little white lie here and there, but nothing big and scandalous. LOL

Some I can think of off hand would be telling Drew that we were all out of Pop-tarts (although I hid them on the shelf b/c he can eat them all in one sitting)... I may have told Ty that I didn't know where her Hannah Montana arm bands are (b/c I threw them in the donation bag b/c they drive me nuts)...

Oh! I guess I did lie to my darling husband about where I went to lunch on Saturday... well, more of an omission than a lie, but I was busted. Drew spilled the beans that we went to Osaka for lunch, when Bryan and I were going to Teppanyaki for dinner. What can I say? I like sushi and if I have to lie to get it 2x in a day, I guess I will! LOL

I guess he's not gonna be my Facebook friend!

Something happened recently and I need to vent...

I had a really good friend in HS who was a guy. Since I don’t know who is reading this blog, we will call him “Joe”. Joe and I met at the beginning of my senior year. We were both Catholic. He was practicing, I was not. We started talking and I eventually ended up going to Mass with him every Sunday. I got to know his family. His parents adored me, his brother taught me to drive a stick shift, and I became part of the family and vice versa.

Nothing ever went beyond friendship with us. We went to a dance or two together… held hands once and it was really weird so that was the end of it. When his parents went out of town, I would stay there at his house… hang out and "babysit" when he decided to have parties. It was a totally innocent relationship.

After school, I started dating my ex-husband and eventually got married. By then Joe had moved away and we lost contact... although I would run into his family and my mom worked at the same place as his mom so I would always get an update on him.

When I was pregnant with Ty, in January of 2000, I went to Joe’s wedding. It was the first time I had seen him in years and I was so happy that I had been invited to his special day. I thought maybe with him moving back, being married, and me being married and starting a family, we could hang out more. Only to find myself abandoned again… calls and letters went unanswered.

Fast forward to February of 2006 (I think)… and I ran into Joe up at WSU. We talked a bit. I told him I was divorced and had 2 kids; he told me he had a child and one on the way. I point blank asked him “What’s the deal? Why did you completely cut me off?” and that’s when he told me that his wife was crazy jealous when it came to me. The words he used were “she gets fire in her eyes” when my name is mentioned. I guess he had asked her to have us over for dinner… to prove to her that there was never anything there more than friendship and she absolutely wouldn’t allow for it. I told him that it’s too bad it had to be that way. He gave me his cell phone number anyhow and told me that maybe one of these days we could go to lunch and catch up anyhow… but I never heard from him.

Fast forward again to my birthday this past summer… Raquel took me out to lunch and we saw Joe and his family. He wouldn’t talk to me… he knew I was there but had this “please don’t come talk to me look”. Honestly, it made me sad.

Last week I noticed his name on the side of my FaceBook where it says “people you may know”… so I thought, what the heck? I sent him a message that basically said “Hey! Long time, no talk. I miss our friendship… I hope that we can be friends on Facebook and see pictures of each other’s families, if it doesn’t upset your wife. Hope all is well.”

A couple of days passed… and I got a reply.

The reply really took me by surprise. It was from his wife and she was angry. Swearing… telling me there is something wrong with me for trying to get in touch with him, that I don't know him... calling me names… telling me to stay away from her husband.

Wow. Really??

Being that I am in the type of relationship I can tell my husband anything... so very first thing, I talked to Bryan about it last night… and he said he feels sorry for “Joe”. It's too bad that he has to live in that kind of relationship… that he can't be friends with who he wants to be friends with… hell, he can't even reply to his own email!

Personally, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where my spouse doesn’t trust me. I couldn’t imagine not being able to have friends who are of the opposite sex (remember, Blake is my BFF!). I wouldn’t want to live that kind of life... but I also wouldn't allow for it. If my spouse thought they could control who I was friends with, they probably wouldn't be my spouse.

I am very thankful for the relationship I am in and the trust we have.

AOL Reunion of Sorts

About a month ago, a guy who I used to work with at AOL passed away. I went to his funeral and saw about 10 others that I used to work with. Afterwards, we went to the Circle Inn in Sunset to toast his memory. While we were there we said that we all spent a good chunk of our lives (almost 10 yrs for me!) with each other and since we have been laid off, its weird not seeing each other… except for those I brought to M* with me!

That being said, Shani decided to plan a monthly get together at the Circle Inn so those who wanted to get together can.. It has some great pizza and is a much nicer environment now that Utah bars are smoke-free. There were some people there that I had no idea who they were… but feel I made some new friends over beer and dinner.

I think the majority of the people that went to this “reunion” were old time 3rd party people. When I started in January of 1997, I was in US Mail. Then I was a Saves rep, then a CAT rep then was promoted to a CAT coach, then a Saves coach, then on to HR to be a Staffing Specialist, then ended my time as an FPS coach... so I ended my time there with the people who opened 3p.

Since an “AOL Ogden” group has been formed on Facebook, people have been coming out of the woodwork. Names I haven’t heard and people I haven’t thought about for years have been contacting me. It’s been pretty cool. I like the pictures that I have seen… it’s brought back a lot of memories. A lot happened in my life while I was there… I got married, I had 2 kids, I had some big health issues, I got divorced...

For me, being at AOL was a good time. It had its ups and downs as any job does… but I enjoyed my time there, I learned alot, made some good money, got a new wardrobe, met some of my best friends-the people I met during my tenure working there made it worth it. … had I not gotten laid off (and it was still around), I would probably still be there.

I am glad that Shani is planning these get-togethers and Marcus set up the group so we can still stay in touch with folks. Thanks ya’ll!

An 8 year olds bad day...

Ty had a bad day yesterday… and in the life of an 8 yr old, I can see that it would be a bad day. However being an adult, it makes me chuckle.

Started off when I got a call from the daycare lady. “It’s Annie from daycare. The kids are ok, but Ty sat on a chocolate muffin this morning and has brown stuff on her rear end. I am afraid if I send her to school like that, the kids will tease her”. She was dropping kids off to school and was near my house so she wanted to know if it was ok to let Ty go in and change.

Then after school Ty was holding one of the little kids and her diaper leaked or something and Ty got peed on. When I got there, her shirt was in a baggy and had on a daycare field trip shirt.

After than happened they blew up the bounce house and Ty got her hand jumped on. Her fingers swelled up and they taped them together and put ice on them. I had to sign an accident report when I got there.

Once we got home, she was going to put batteries in her toy and she somehow hit her head on the pantry shelf. Still not sure how that happened, but no blood was involved and after she stopped crying she started laughing so I think we are ok.

I was sure she was going to tell me it was a “we need ice cream to fix this day” night… but she didn’t so I told her she needs to be in a bubble and sat on her bed until she is 20. LOL

PSS: 1 person, 1 question

Julian asked "If you had the opportunity to meet any ONE person (current or historical) and ask them any ONE question, who would it be and what would you ask? Feel free to discuss."

I would want to meet God. I want to know why He is allowing for people to suffer through illnesses like breast cancer or bipolar disorder. I know I will figure it all out when the time comes... but if I had the chance to ask Him now I would want to get his take on it and understand His thinking.

In my heart, I believe that He doesn't give us things we can't handle. That everything in this life is a test... although some of it seems cruel and so hard, but I know those who make it through will be rewarded in the end.

Inauguration Day.

Inauguration Day...

I am not one to get into politics... but I think we have good things coming with Obama in the White House and I'll leave it at that.

My kids on the other hand... they won't stop talking about it.

Ty: "Mom... did you know this is the first black president?"

Drew: "We voted at school... and I voted for Obama, Mom."

and Drew: "But Mom, what's a president??" LOL

Later on I took the kids to 4H tonight and they were talking about it... and Drew says "I figured it out. Obama gets to move into that big house that's white on my show on the Disney Channel"... well, yeah. sorta.

Mammogram #1 for 2009

I had my mammogram appointment on Friday... and it was entertaining to say the least.

First off, they couldn't find my orders from my doctor. The Dr's office hasn't updated their records to reflect Williams instead of Erwin... so I never know what name I need to go by when I go places. After we figured out that I was going to be Lisa Erwin that day, they showed me to the changing room. She said undress from the waist up, put on this cape, and sit in the women's only waiting room that is used for all of radiology.

This little cape thing was terrible. I think it was made for a little person b/c it didn't even go long enough to touch the top of my pants. There were no arm holes or anything, just one little button to keep it all together. I am sure I was hanging out the sides the whole time.

I take a seat in the waiting room in the chair closest to the door. That was a mistake. Everything the door opened, my cape went flying. Happened twice before I moved to another seat... although the 2nd time was an ex boyfriend's new girlfriend who came through the door. I don't think she remembers who I am, so that cut down some of the awkwardness of me sitting there in my nakedness. Just an odd place to run into people like that. LOL!

People seem to be chatty when waiting to get their boobs squashed and it's funny to see how people react to me being there for the reasons I am. The lady that was talking to me in the waiting room had a "you poor girl... you have to go through all this so young" attitude. Another lady in the waiting room had a " good for you for being proactive" attitude. Then there was the mammogram tech. She had a terrible attitude. She questioned everything I told her. She seemed upset that the doctors would have me going in for mammograms when she didn't feel I would benefit from them due to my dense breasts. She thought I shouldn't have had lumps removed when I was 19 b/c everyone knows that a 19 year old just has extra tissue. It was an odd experience... but I know everyone doesn't agree with the treatment plan that my doctors and I have decided on... so I just smile and say "this is what my doctor feels we need to do, so I appreciate you just taking care of it". (and if I ever get called to do a survey on my experience, they are gonna get an earful)

Mammograms aren't so terrible. I can think of better things to do with my time than to stand with my boobs in vice, but you do what you gotta do and you get over it. Remind anyone you know that is over 40 they need to get theirs done yearly... and anyone who has a family history to talk to their doctors... early detection is key!!

Mom Update 1/16/09

Just wanted to give an update on my mom...

She is wrapping up her 2nd week of radiation. 20 treatments to go!
She has been doing well. She has days of extreme tiredness and others when she is her normal bubbly self. She is still working full time and doing what she needs to do. She is amazing!

I haven’t seen what her burn marks look like, but she hasn’t really complained about them yet. She uses some cheap Walgreen’s aloe vera that you can get for like a buck, and it works better than the $100 cream she got at the pharmacy! LOL

Also, I have been on my Tamoxifen for almost 2 weeks now. :::Knock On Wood::: I have yet to have a hot flash or at least what I think is a hot flash. (Although there was a strange incident while in Blake’s car this week, but it wasn’t like what I was told to anticipate, so I dunno…) I was told if I was going to have them, it would have started almost immediately. Only thing I have noticed that I am thirstier and a little more tired than normal, but that’s about it. I can deal with that! I hope it stays that way!

Today I am off for my first screening of 2009… hopefully nothing new shows up and nothing that’s already there changes. Cross your fingers!

Ty's Surgery

Since my last post, I have more of a plan for Ty’s surgery.

She is going to go in mid-February on a Tuesday. The surgery will last 3-4 hrs. They will put a drain in the incision and she will need to remain at PCMC until at least Friday. Once they get the pain and drainage under control, she will be allowed to go home. I still need to find out if she will be able to return to school the following week or if she will need any down time at home.

The incision is going to be that of a face lift, so once it’s all healed, you won’t be able to see a lot of it. She may have some temporary lip slumping, but should go back to normal within a few weeks if it happens. They have to redirect her duct so she shouldn’t have any problems with leaking or anything. At most, he said she will leave 25% of the gland there, but it wont be functioning.

Ty is excited to have an end in sight, but I know she is nervous. We have spent a lot of time on PCMC’s website, watching the videos and talking about things to pack and take with us.Its amazing the things they do to help kids feel comfy.

Drew is sad his sister has to go away for a while, but will feel like a King having some alone time with Bryan and my friend, Blake. I just want it to be done. I wish it was tomorrow instead of a month from now. I want it to be behind us so we can move on. It has been such a focus in our lives for the past 3 yrs, I just am over it. I am so thankful that we found someone who knows what to do, is comfortable to do it, and for being able to get it done. There is a light at the end of our saliva gland tunnel!

PSS: Super Powers

Heidi asks "What super-power would you most like to have, and why?"

I think I would like to be invisible.

There is a lot going on around me that I want to know about and I tend to be nosey so if I was invisible I would be educated on what's up. Of course, I would only use my powers for good and not evil... so whatever I learned in my moments of invisibility I would keep to myself. Just not knowing things drives me nuts!!

Saliva Gland Update

A couple of weeks ago, I said all I could do it laugh otherwise I'd cry. I have been to the point of frustration regarding Ty's chronic condition. I can't bear to listen to her whimper and see her face swollen. I have done everything I've been told to do and nothing is helping. I have gone to endless doctors without a lot of luck.

Today was our appointment at Primary Children's Medical Center to see a Pediatric ENT. Honestly, I thought we were going to waste our time and money to go. Even Ty said "Its not going to do any good", but we said a prayer and headed to SLC.

Well, long story short (ok... not so short)... I did cry at the doctor today.

However it was tears of joy this time. The doctor was amazing. He built a great rapport with both of us. He explained things in ways that made me understand what was going on. He is experienced in dealing with this type of problem. He says out of the 300,000 people that are in the area, he only sees 2-3 people a year with this type of problem; but when they do have this problem they come to PCMC for treatment. He said earlier that day a girl came in for her post-op appointment from having the same problem.

He said that Ty is obviously not getting better and is getting worse instead. We gave a good effort to fix it by treating the symptoms and for her it didn't work. Doing nothing will continue to have her on medications each month, the pain, the frustration, and a poorer quality of life. He said she has been through a lot for a little girl (Queue the tears!)

He talked to me about surgery. He explained the incision, what they do once they are in there, the monitors they would use to not damage nerves, the drain they would have to place, how long she would be in the hospital, etc.

Although she has the problems on both sides, its more prominent on the right so he wants to treat that side first. He said that the other side would either overcompensate and clear up or she would have to have that one removed later on. We talked about long term side effects... the risks and the realities. He said it would be in her best interest to have it removed and go from there. He said that she will be just fine without these glands.

I am calling the scheduler tomorrow and once he is back from India doing cleft palate surgeries there, he is going to get Ty in to remove her parotoid gland. He said she won't be missing school, parties, etc anymore... and seeing the smile on Ty's face made me know it was worth it.

I'll keep ya'll posted on everything. Thanks for all the well wishes... Keep praying for her.

3's about me

3's about me

Three Names I have been called:
1. Lisa
2. Evil Erwin
3. Cool Chick

Three jobs I have had in my life:
1 Sandwich Artist
2 Call Center Supervisor
3 Corporate Recruiter

Places I have lived :
1 South Bend IN
2 Roy, UT
3 North Ogden, UT

Three TV shows I watch:
1 House
2 Law and Order SVU
3 Criminal Minds

Three places I have been:
1. Vegas
2. Hawaii
3. Moab

People that e-mail me regularly:
1. Raquel
2. Mom
3. Mary

My favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. Italian
3. Chinese

Three things I am looking forward to:
1. Bible Camp
2. Raft for the Cure
3. Moab Mamas Part 3
(notice a warm theme??? LOL)

Three people I tag:
1. Kim D.
2. Meagan
3. Mary

PSS: Prevention or Not?

I sent out the PSS question today for a reason, obviously.

As you know, I have been going through a lot of testing and doctor’s appointments and a lot of thinking of what to do with the future of my Ta-Ta’s. Regardless of how anyone replies won’t impact my decision because the fact of the matter is I have already made my decision.

I started chemoprevention medication over the weekend. Due to my risk factors, they actually started the medication 5 yrs earlier than they normally would. I have had doctors tell me “It’s a matter of when, not if”. I have had reports say “cannot rule out malignancy”. I have considered surgery to remove my breasts and start over… but for now, I am going to start taking pills a couple of times a day that are supposed to cut my risk in half if I stay on it for the next 5 yrs.

It was an interesting decision to make. Part of me felt it was a no-brainer. Then I did a lot of research on the side effects of this medicine. It’s not going to be pretty. What 30 yr old do you know who is going to have hot flashes?? Ugh!

I talked it over with my darling husband and my mom and came to the conclusion that I have too great a chance to get breast cancer in the next 30 yrs to not do everything I can right now to prevent it. I understand that its not a guarantee, but nothing is. At the very least, it will alter the density of my breasts to make my current/future lumps more easily seen. (if you catch cancer early, it has a better survival rate but you have to be able to see what's going on in your breasts and right now with the density mine are, you cant see a whole lot) I don’t think I can live with myself at the time of a cancer diagnosis if I didn’t do everything I had an option to do.

I have seen my mom battle this terrible disease and even though she has been fabulous through it all, it’s taken a toll. On her. On our family. On everything. The side effects of a diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation don’t compare to the side effects I will have that will disappear once I am off the drugs.

Mom will be starting a similar medication that hopefully will keep her cancer away… so not only has she gone through all of this, she will continue to have the side effects that I will have.

Bryan said we will deal with the side effects and he will support me through it all. He said that dealing with this stuff for 5 years in hopes that I don’t have to go through the rest of it later in life is worth it to him.

So I may have sleepless nights, surges of heat, and moodiness (just to name a few) for the next 1825 days… so please excuse me, in advance.

Happy Wii Year

For New Years Eve we went over to my brother-in-law's house. We got there in time for dinner (homemade clam chowder, rolls, etc) and then we hooked up the Wii we got for Christmas. Everyone got involved in the games and we had a great time. We just laughed and laughed. What a great way to bring in the new year!

Me playing tennis with Drew


Not sure what Levi was doing! LOL



Taylor and Ty playing baseball

Drew and Austin playing bowling, I think.

PSS: 2008 Event of the Year

Monica asks "What is the one event you will remember when you look back on the year 2008 ? good or bad."

If I have to say one big event in 2008, it would be September 20th. The day I got married to Bryan at the Valley of Fire State Park near Vegas.

Some of my other memories of 2008 (good and bad) would be:
*First date with Bryan last January. Iggy's for dinner and dancing/drinking at Port O'Call
*My exhusband not taking my kids during visitation time, so "really" becoming a single parent. Although its hurt the relationship they have with him (especially my daughter) it has built the relationship I have with them
*Bryan taking all 3 of us out for Valentine's day. That's when I knew I had fallen for him.
*In May when my mom's breast cancer came back (along with surgery in June, chemo in July, etc)
*My uncle passing away in June. It was very unexpected and is a big loss to our family. Because of it I feel my family is now closer to each other and dont take each other for granted.
*Drew starting school.
*Ty playing and LOVING basketball.
*Getting to know my in-law's. I lucked out by having some great new people to call family.
*My new tattoo
*My 30th birthday
*Luther Heights Bible Camp. It was an amazing experience.

As we enter 2009, I hope and pray for health issues to be resolved and happiness to continue. I have such a wonderful life. Great family and friends. I am truly blessed.