Happy Birthday Drewbie-doo!

Drew,
I cant believe that 8 years ago today, you came into our lives. You have been such a blessing to me. You have always been such a sweet soul. You are loving, kind, and tender hearted. You are becoming such a man of God, I love to listen to you pray. You are quite the soccer player, you have gotten really good and quick! You've had your struggles, but you have come through them all marvelously. Nothing holds you down, you just keep at it. I've learned a lot from you. You are an amazing son and I love you so much. I am so glad that God chose me to be your momma. I love you!

Encouraging Word 9/29/10

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

~ Romans 12:12, NLT

MercyMe Concert

I took Ty to the MercyMe concert at the State Fair a couple weeks ago. We had a great time in the front row. It was neat to see all the Christians there… a lot of people from my church as well as other youth groups and families. MercyMe is just amazing and you could definitely feel the spirit at our fairground worship that night.

Something the lead singer said was “ You will never be shiny or polished enough to earn the grace of God” and that has stuck with me the last little while. When I struggle with feeling like I am supposed to be perfect, I know that God loves me in spite of my faults. He isn’t asking me to be perfect, He is asking me to be me… He knows I am broken and I make mistake and that is ok. You cant earn God's Grace, its yours when you have a relationship with him. Remembering that takes away a lot of undue stress and I am thankful for that.

Ramblings...

Wow... what a week.

I am feeling better... if I sit too long, on something that is too hard, it hurts. So I try to stand up as much as possible, I have my pillow to sit on. It will get better day after day. I am so thankful for my family and friends who helped out last week. I couldnt have done it without you!!

My little Drewbie-doo is going to be 8 this week. How the heck did that happen?

We went to a concert last night at church. The band is Julian Drive from Athens, GA. Freaking amazing! They did an acoustic tour b/c they lost alot of their equiptment in the earthquake in Hati earlier this year. We heard their tesitmonies and what was on their heart and they even had my husband thanking God for being in the buisness of doing miracles even today. That's what I love about my God, he is the same today as he was 200 years ago!!

Gonna be busy at work b/c I am trying to squeeze 6 days of work into 3 b/c we are going to Vegas for BikeFest. We arent taking our bike b/c I cant ride right now, but we are still going to go for some RnR. I am looking forward to it!!

Encouraging Word 9/27/10

Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

~ Psalm 25:5, NLT

Encouraging Word

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

~ Ephesians 2:8, NLT

What a pain in the butt!

Literally.

Bryan and I along with some other family rode our motorcycles up to Peach Days last weekend. On the way home, he hit a bump that kind of threw me up and slammed my butt down on the seat. Joking, I told him to take it easy or he is going to break my butt.

Well, my tailbone area was sore for a couple of days, nothing bad... Infact, I forgot what happened for a while. Then last Thursday night I couldnt sleep. My butt hurt so bad! I got up every couple of hours, tylenol, hot baths, etc. This continued through the weekend and on Sunday I was laying on my floor with my butt up in the air, just bawling b/c I hurt so bad.

Monday morning I went to my PCP to see what was going on. She took a look and said I needed to go to a GI dr b/c the trauma from the motorcycle caused some problems and thought I had a blood clot. She said that this Dr would be able to lance the blood clot and the pain would be gone. Yay! I looked forward to this appointment, I needed some relief.

So I didnt eat after midnight, had my dad there to drive me, everything they said to do... and when I got to the Dr's office I was told I didnt need to do all that, its just a consult, they wouldnt be doing anything today. Uh, yeah. I freaked out at the receptionist. Pain doesnt make me a nice person.

I went in to see the GI doctor and he said that I would need to see a Colon/Rectal surgeon. Ok, lets do it... I havent eaten so lets get this done. Yeah, that didnt work... b/c his next appt was Oct 5th. That didnt go over so well and I freaked out AGAIN.

I called my mom b/c she works at a hospital in SLC and asked her if there was anyone else I could go see sooner. She gave me the name of a couple of Dr's there and one was able to get me in at 1pm. (Yeah, I resulted to name dropping!)

We drove down there, met with the Dr. After her exam she said she was worried about an abcess and that's whats causing all the pain. She also said she thought I had a broken tailbone. She wanted me to go to the OR to have an exam done under anthesia b/c she couldnt do much without me screaming.

At 530 I was taken to the OR, sedated, and she did her thing. Ends up not to be an abcess, but I do have a blood clot and a broken tail bone. The blood clot is reabsorbing on its own, so we dont have to do anything about that. If the pain from my tail bone doesnt go away in the next couple of weeks I need to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon. She was able to inject some kind of numbing medication when in surgery and the painw as completely gone for about 12 hours so I finally was able to sleep last night, which was much needed.

Today isnt as bad, although I am bruised and sore. I pray for comfort and healing. I have never had pain like this before and I am such a wuss!

Letters 16-18

day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country

Someone in Ireland,
Can I come visit? All the pictures I see are beautiful!

day 17 — someone from your childhood
My grade school boyfriend.

Dave,
Hard to believe so much time has passed… some of my memories seem like yesterday, but I’ve lived in Utah now for 18 yrs. I am glad we have reconnected on Facebook and I get to see your cute little family. I am glad you are doing well and wish you the very best. Take care!

day 18 — the person that you wish you could be

Dear Self,
You’ve come a long way! There are still things that could use some work though… like holding back your emotions when you are upset. Crying is the way you vent and I wish you could keep that under control a bit better. Where you aren’t getting yourself as upset at your ex-husband anymore, I wish you would stick up for your daughter more. What’s the worst that’s going to happen, he not want to see her? May not be a downside… Anyway, since you now have Jesus in your heart, you are a much better person. Keep it up!

Letter 15

day 15 — the person you miss the most
This letter is to my grandpa.

Poppie,
I sure miss you. I remember spending so much time with you when I was little. Doing science experiments, playing in the yard, having you tutor in my class. I remember being at your house every morning before school and being so excited to see you when you picked us up to go home. I love those memories. I prefer those to the ones when you started to go downhill and you didn’t know who we were anymore. I prefer those to the last moments we had together in the hospital ER after you were hit by a truck. I am so glad that I got to say goodbye to you… but I am going to focus on the good times, b/c we had a lot of them.

I love you,
Your cookie bell.

Letter 14

day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from

My friend, J-
I feel like we have recently drifted away from each other… and for that I am sorry. I think where you have continuous problems in your home life that you aren’t stepping up to fix, it wears on us as well b/c you ask for help and advice, but never do anything with it. For me now, it’s easier just not to say anything b/c it doesn’t do any good…and when I don’t say anything, neither do you and there we are… drifting. Just because we dont talk as much doesnt mean I dont think of you often, I pray for you daily. I hope that you can overcome your fears and do what's right for you and your boys.

Let’s get back to normal. I miss you. I love you my friend.

Letter 13

day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you

N-
Over five years have passed now and while I feel things have gotten better over time, I sometimes still get dumped on when you feel your life isn’t what you want. Let go of the negativity and blame and just be happy, cherish the people in your life… your kids, your girlfriend, your family.

I want you to be happy, b/c it does still impact me and those around me. While I don’t think that you want what you used to have, I think you want someone to blame for your circumstances and I am an easy target to vent your frustrations. Someone once told me that you won’t “get it” b/c you don’t have Jesus in your life… so we pray for you often. I hope you can deal with the decisions that have been made and move on with life. Good luck!

Encouraging Word

I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.
~ Psalm 120:1, NLT

Day 12 Letter

day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

To my father, Larry.
I struggle to write this letter b/c I don’t know where to begin... b/c it brings up a range of emotions for me. You have missed out on a lot and the part that hurts is b/c you chose to. When you left us, you ran away… no notice or explanation. You didn’t just leave my mom, you abandoned your children. Every once in a while, you’d pop in and try to play Dad, but it was too little too late. By then, I’d lost respect for you.

The last time I saw you was almost 8 yrs ago in RC Willeys when you didn’t even acknowledge that you had a new grandson. Your granddaughter says “Who’s that?” when she comes across pictures of you. You have a severely autistic grandchild, did you know that? The pain you caused me, doesn’t compare to the pain you caused my brother. He lives with that heartache every day.

I don’t know where you are… I don’t know what you are doing. I just pray that you can find a relationship with Jesus so he can help you with your demons and brokenness. Although I will never forget what I’ve been through, I forgive you b/c I believe in the power of forgiveness b/c I need it to move on with my life.

I wish you well.

Letters 9-10-11

Day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
This letter is to someone doing research to cure breast cancer.

Dear Researcher,
Please continue your hard work. So many people are being affected by breast cancer. Families are suffering through treatments and losing loved ones. We have come so far in the past 10 yrs due to the work you are putting in and I want to thank you. My mom has been diagnosed twice in the past 5 yrs and due to advancements in technology, she is a survivor. I want every daughter to be able to have their mom around and where 1 in 8 people get breast cancer, a lot of people are being affected. Please do what you can so one day the only time we hear the word “breast cancer” is in the history books.


Day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
To my friend from kindergarten, Angie.

Angie,
You are one of those people where weeks, months, years can pass by and when we talk or get together, we pick back up exactly where we left off. You are someone I know I can always count on. Growing up, I felt like we were sisters more than friends… even when (or maybe especially when) we bickered! Thank you for being a Godmother to my children, for the support you give me during hard decisions, and for being my friend for the past 27 yrs. I love you!


Day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
My Grandmother who died in 1989.

Nannie,
I can’t believe you have been gone for 21 yrs already. It seems like yesterday that I was sitting on your lap, eating hard candies from your jar. You were so loving and snuggly, I loved spending as much time with you as possible. I cherish the memories of sleepovers, sitting at your dresser and putting on your perfume, and the family dinners. Your death was so hard on me… it took me years to think of you without crying. I am so thankful that my mom and daughter have the same wonderful relationship that you and I did. My life has taken so many directions, but I know that you are in Heaven looking down on me and I know that one day we will be together again. I love you, Nannie.

Little victory!!

In support of my husband’s weight loss journey, I started counting calories at the beginning of August b/c I decided I needed to be healthier and had about 15 lbs I would like to lose.

Ever since the first time I heard about about BMI (body mass index) it’s always told me I was overweight. Well, this morning I am down 12lbs which puts me at a BMI of 24.9 and that puts me into the healthy range. Yippee!

My 12lbs isn’t much compared to my husband’s 40 but I am very proud of my little victory... I like to think of it as our household being 62lbs lighter!!

Day 8- your favorite internet friend

This is to a teenage girl named Emily who is dealing with cancer.

Emily,
I came across your blog online somehow about a month ago and I have to check it daily to see your progress. I pray for you and your family constantly. I know that God gave you cancer for a reason, it’s part of His plan. But quite frankly, it sucks!

You are dealing with it better than I ever could. I can tell from your posts, you are surviving due to your belief of Jesus and the support of your family. I wish you the very best… you have touched a lot of lives and I pray that the treatments and tests you are going through will be successful and sometime soon you can consider yourself cancer free. God bless!

You can check on Emily at http://emilyscancerblog.blogspot.com/

Is Life a Test?

“This life is a test. Ive known that for as long as I can remember. I have to pass the test in order to gain the eternal rewards. Ive know that too.”

I was reading this on someone’s blog today and it just made me sad. This person is hurting… and broken… and is striving to be perfect which is causing so many more issues. I just want to cry for her b/c she doesn’t get it. She doesn’t realize that it’s ok, she isn’t meant to be perfect. That God is going to love her, broken and all.

Getting to Heaven isn’t dependant on what she does on this earth… if she has a relationship with Jesus and makes the decision to have Him as the leader of her life, it’s going to happen. He made it that easy for us by dying for our sins. That’s why I struggle now with religion vs. relationship b/c some of the man made rules aren’t in line with what Jesus wants, according to the bible. It’s not about the acts you perform here or the perfectness you try to have in your life... those aren't the things that get you to Heaven.

I used to feel so down on myself and so depressed b/c I wasn’t living up to what a priest told me I should… I wasn’t comfortable going to confession b/c why did I need to tell a man my sins, when I felt I had resolved them with God already? I would beat myself up about it and have a lot of anxiety about it until I realized that religion was driving me away from God rather than bringing me to him. It’s all about the relationship you have with Him… accepting him as the Lord and Savior of your life, rather than just being a member of a certain church and following the rules that church leader made. I am free to worship my God how I want… be it in shorts and flip-flops, with music blaring, and a coffee in hand…God loves me all the same. I am so thankful for those who have helped me with my walk in Christ b/c my life is a much better place these days.

day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

This letter is to Travis, the boy I met in Hawaii on my Sr Trip.

Travis,
First of all, it’s hard to believe it’s been 14 yrs since we met. I remember looking across the airport in San Francisco and mentioning to my friends what a cute guy you were. Tall, blue eyed, athletic build… I am not 100% sure how we all ended up going to Hard Rock Café together for dinner that first night, but that lead to us spending a lot of time together that trip… We had a lot of fun exploring the island together and being with all our friends. I remember thinking it was the end of the world as our dream vacation came to an end b/c in what I knew in my whole 17 yrs of existence, I felt like I loved you with all my heart and soul. I remember sitting next to you on the airplane ride home, just bawling.

Our relationship continued long distance for a couple of months before you went away to Pepperdine to college after hurting your knee, rather than going to play for the Angels. I enjoyed coming to visit you and meeting your family and going to Lake Tahoe to see you play ball. I followed you online for a while and was so excited when I saw that you played for the Diamond Backs for a bit. I am glad we have been able to reconnect on Facebook a little bit and see pictures of your wife and baby. I am happy for the short time we had together, what a fun little summer fling it was. Take care, Trav!

Encouraging Words 9/7/10

Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
~ Isaiah 26:4, NLT

For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke.
~ Psalm 66:17, NLT

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray.
~ Psalm 17:6, NLT

Day 6 Letter

A letter to a stranger:

Dear Man in Ogden in the wheelchair with the hot pink hair,

I’ve seen you around town, zipping around in your wheelchair. Your arms crooked and legs flailing. I remember thinking “God, help that man b/c I couldn’t imagine being in his place”… and couple of weeks ago, I saw you at church. You gave your testimony about your love for Christ. Due to your disability it took some time to get the words out you were trying to say, but we all understood what you were trying to tell us. The time it took and the words you shared truly brought the Holy Spirit into the room. I was blessed by you that day. I stood there with tears streaming down my face and was so thankful that you found the strength and comfort of our amazing Savior. Although I still don’t know your name, you are no longer a stranger to me… you are my brother in Christ.

My 3-5 Letters

Not sure how much I am going to be around this weekend to update, so I am going to post letters 3-5 now as well.

Letter 3 to a Parent-
• Mom, You are amazing. You are such a source of strength and comfort. You are so loving and see the best in everyone. You have been through so much in the past 5 yrs and you did it with dignity and grace. What an example you have set! You are a great mother, mother in law, and Nannie to us. You are the rock of our family, you are the one who keeps us all together. Thank you for the example that you set… for your love of God, your positiveness, and your willingness to help others. I love you mama.

Letter 4 to a Sibling-
• Heather, Who knew that when we became sisters almost 17 yrs ago we would have the friendship we do today? You have grown into a beautiful woman, a caring mom, a daughter of God, and a great friend. You’ve been through a lot in the past couple of years and as hard as its been, I think its brought us closer. One of my greatest memories is when I was able to share my love of Jesus with you and lead you to Christ. I am so blessed by the relationship you now have with Him. I truly believe your life and the lives of your boys will be much better off with Him as your captain, rather than trying to do it all on your own. I love you sis.

Letter 5 to my Dreams-
• Dear Dreams… Thank you for the flashbacks of my past… its funny how in real life I can forget things that have happened but in my dreams they come back to life and it seems just like yesterday. I often wonder why you take me back to certain places and times… I sometimes wonder if I have unfinished business to attend to. Maybe its God’s way of telling me I need to do something. Thank you for bringing back the people of my past, even for just a little while.

Encouraging Word 9/3/10

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.
~ Psalm 9:10, NLT


I was thinking lately... about how God is always there. You can't out run him, you can't hide from him, you can't move around the country with out him. He will be with you throughout it all. Any decisions you make, good or bad. The love He has for us is unconditional. He sent His son to die for our sins. You have to know he loves us to do that. I know I for one am not worthy to have someone to that for me, but he did it anyways... due to his love.

I think some people do try to run and hide b/c they are scared... they dont know what to expect by fully giving themselves into a relationship with Him and the unknown can be scary. I personally know that the bad times I have had in my life are the times I tried to move forward without Him... and that's why things ended up the way they did. In those bad times, He didnt abandon me... He was there. I just chose in those times not to seek Him the ways I should have and I had to learn from my mistakes.

This bible verse talks about God never abandoning His people. Which makes me think about being there for those who are in their walk with Christ... even though they may not fully know Him, or for some people may not know Him at all, we shouldn't abandon them, b/c God doesn't... we should help encourage, support, and pray for them.

I vow to work harder at that. Sometimes I get too wrapped up in my own life to see someone who needs the help and I want to be better at that. I realized that this week due to the help of a friend and I think it was the wake up call I needed.

Day 2 Letter

Today, my letter is to my crush... which I am assuming is a word I can swap out with husband :)

Mister Husband,
God put you in my life when knew I needed you most, in a time I was ready for a relationship. Who knew (besides Him) that when I got a text message almost 3 yrs ago from Mary asking if I was up to a blind date, we'd be where we are today. The past 2 years of marriage have been wonderful. We have grown so much as a couple and a family. The love and nuturing you give to our kids brings tears to my eyes. You love my two as if they were your own and I will be forever grateful.I love the time we spend together, even if its spending hours wandering around IKEA. I just love being with you, holding your hand. There is no such thing as perfect people but I truly believe we are perfect for each other. Thank you for being my friend, my rock, my love. I love you honey!

30 Letters- Yes, I stole this from Mary!

It's 30 Letters to someone different each day! How fun is that?

The Curriculum:

day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror


It sounds like something really fun to do! I will start...Today!

Letter to my BFF

I have been very blessed with all the friends I have... so its hard for me to chose one best friend to write this letter to, but I choose Blake.

Blake and I met in like 2000, right after I had Ty, I believe. I was his coach at AOL. From what could have started out disasterous (me having to write him up for Smart Transfers) ended up with 10+ yrs of friendship.

Blake,
Thank you... for always being there for me and my family. You are a rock in my children's eyes, always there for them, always consistent. We've been through alot together... your dad's death, my mom's cancer, my divorce, my remarriage. You are more like a brother to me than a friend. I wish you the best in life... with your new job, your new girl, and all the great things you have going on. I love you!

Who stole my energy?

I think I've been on autopilot this week, it's the only way things have gotten done. I am exhausted! Busy at work, with the kids, everything just seems to be go go go! I'm not complaining b/c I am so blessed to have a job and great family. Just think I could spend a day sleeping to rejuvenate. I'm treating myself to the spa Saturday, so looking forward to it. Yay!